Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

Pedro Demands Your Unconditional Surrender

Paperwork Pedro acknowledges his grateful subjects

Good Morning.

Almost appearing in a media outlet near you this morning…


Oh my Lord this is amazing! Please have my children Pedro!

Pedro Caixinha got his reign as the sixteenth (yes SIXTEENTH Timmy, so GIRUY) manager of Rangers* off to the perfect start with a 4-0 hammering of a Hamilton side who more than played their designated part by conceding…err… four goals without reply. 
What an occasion! What a day! What a scoreline! What a man! Rangers* are back! Even more so than the last time they were back!

Those blessed to be in the stadium saw a display the likes of which may never be repeated. Except at every single one of Rangers’* future home games. The fans swooned and your humble corespondent almost fainted as the wonderful, wonderful players performed miracles during every minute of the match. 

All the credit must go to Mr Caixinha whose completely unscripted remarks about the club’s* long and successful history certainly inspired the players. But inspiration is nothing without organisation, and Pedro deployed that in spades. His plan to conquer Hamilton was so mediculous, so awe-inspiring and so well-executed that military historians are already suggesting that he should have been put in charge of organising the D-Day landings.

His were not just tactics. They were a devastating battle plan which ultimately left the Hamilton players looking like beleaguered refugees.

And how wonderful did Pedro look in his suit and club* tie? This writer believes he has already earned the right to wear the late Bill Struth’s hat during Rangers’* next fixture, a game in which he will take the next step in his unstoppable campaign to overtake his legendary predecessor’s* achievements.

Anyone from Celtic who saw the game will have been chilled to the bone with fear at the massive onslaught this genius of a manager is unleashing on Scottish football. There can be no hiding place for the Parkhead side. 

Pedro is the real deal. He is coming for Celtic and everyone else in Scotland and Europe who have hitherto failed to bow down to Rangers* since their financial difficulties and shameful demotion in 2012.

Be afraid everyone. Be very afraid.

Pedro is here and Rangers* are heading back to their rightful place.

My advice is to get with the Pedro programme or face the terrible consequences.




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