A few days ago, The Clumpany put an anvil and a racehorse next to each other.
I painted the anvil light blue. I got the paint cheap in a fire sale of someone’s assets, but thought it would probably catch the eye of some People if deployed in a pandering sort of way. I will admit that I originally envisaged a ‘panda’ing sort of way’ but the panda said “f*ck that. If I am heading towards extinction I want to preserve some self respect for posterity. You are not painting ME light blue.”
Which was fair enough. So I just painted the anvil instead.
I then plaited green and white ribbons into the mane and tail of the racehorse and it looked absolutely champion. So much so that seven times in a row I said to myself “that horse looks champion.”
And then, all of a sudden the racehorse darted off into the distance like the classy thoroughbred it is. My Lord I have never seen such speed. Neither had the crowd of 59,000 folk who had gathered to cheer it on, and who were wearing similar green and white attire.
Meanwhile, the light blue anvil sat there seemingly immobile.
I say ‘seemingly’ because a passing group of 800 People wearing light blue to show their support of the dead weight started cheering it on and claiming that the gap between the anvil and the horizon-reaching racehorse was actually narrowing.
I took issue with them and said that the thoroughbred was so far ahead that the anvil could never catch it. They said something about me being a ‘hater’, and before I could reply someone jumping a shark in an evening intervened and said “The gap is narrowing. That is all you need to believe. Did I say ‘believe’? I meant ‘know’. Forget I said ‘believe’. The FACT is that the gap is narrowing. That expensively-assembled anvil is going to beat the racehorse over the course of a season.
As you can imagine, I was utterly convinced by their argument…