Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Sevco’s Confirmed Plan To Dominate Scottish Football

Good Evening.

Far be it from The Clumpany to engage in cheap generalisations…

[*Engages ‘cheap generalisation’ mode*]

But for all the noise surrounding Dave King’s visit to the U.K. this week, we don’t actually seem to have learned a lot about the Big Plan to make Sevco great.

The key messages seem to have been as follows:

  • But that pesky ‘gap’ to Celtic really must be closed soon, even if it means the board screwing up their eyes and praying really hard to the Gods of Rangers*-themed entitlement.
  • There will be some investment in the Sevco playing squad during the summer. But no one is saying how much. However, this unspecified largesse needs to be deployed at an early stage of the summer to help with Sevco’s likely assault on the Europa League qualifiers (because Sevco can’t possibly experience any difficulties in getting a UEFA licence given their financial losses in recent years, can they?!).
  • European income will be very important to Sevco’s plans to challenge Celtic’s dominance of Scottish football, even though the ‘gambling on Europe’ strategy helped to send Rangers to their spectacular death.
  • There is optimism about the prospect of Sevco suddenly getting a more favourable retail detail with Sports Direct. And that would enable fans to buy replica shirts and thereby generate more money for the ‘club’. Strangely, this optimism is not backed up with hard evidence of Sports Direct being even remotely prepared to flex a stance which currently sees them litigating against Sevco at the High Court in London.
  • Dave King would rather be doing something other than saving Sevco from ‘stuff’, but he’s just a martyr to the cause. Bless his selflessness!
  • The Takeover Panel ruling that King was part of a concert party and must make a 20p per share offer to shareholders – at a cost of millions of pounds – is no biggie. Indeed, King might even decide to appeal it. Even though all the avenues of appeal appear to have been exhausted…
  • Pedro Caixinha is clearly the most exciting managerial prospect to cross the threshold of Ibrox since the previous one. Everyone likes the cut of his jib and his attractive  brand of football after only two games in charge. And his methods are so modern he actually learned them from his good pal Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
  • The Sevco No. 3 role is the most important job in world football. Even more so than the Sevco No.2 role, whose holder (Helder Baptista) isn’t even worth mentioning! Such a highly significant third-rate role can only be filled by a Real Rangers’* Man with ‘local knowledge’ (and possibly an EBT). John Brown, Alex Rae, Barry Ferguson and Peter Lovenkrands really are potential Blessings In Disguise even though their disguises are so good that you might easily mistake them for potential liabilities. 😉
  • The Director of Football role remains important. So important that it hasn’t yet been filled despite being ‘on the agenda’ since Sevco was a mere glint in Charles Green’s eye. An appointment is coming any day now. But not just yet…
  • Sevco’s Big Plan is so awe-inspiring that it has rendered a number of media commentators completely dumbfounded! So dumbfounded in fact, that they forgot to ask any probing questions of Mr King!

Yes, on the whole it has been a truly impressive week for Mr King and the Sevco PR operation. And anyone who believes that it only amounted to substance-free, upbeat, ‘feel-good’ assertions is clearly obsessed or a ‘hater’. 

Personally speaking, The Clumpany was bowled over by the magnificence of the Big Plan. It is very rare for us to see an apparently ‘real’ magician talking about waving an allegedly ‘genuine’ magic wand at some point soon, and we should therefore treasure the experience.

However, if I was being uber critical, I might suggest that this week’s gripping Sevco King-a-thon lacked one crucial thing. 

A killer punchline.

Something absolutely definitive to really grab the fans’ attention and signal the way forward to glory.

Something like the announcement of a large rise in season book prices, coupled with lots of emotive rhetoric about the co-investors ‘playing their part’…

Perhaps the Sevco PR operation simply forgot to mention it?



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