The Clumpany’s ethereal eye was caught by this piece in the Daily Record (yes, it still exists…).
How I laughed at the idea that having more money available to spend on players might confer a sporting advantage!
What a ridiculous suggestion!
I assumed that the Record’s finest subsequently took Mr Windass outside and gave him a stern talking-to for making such an outrageous claim.
After all, we have been left in no doubt in recent years that having more money to spend on players does not result in greater success in Scottish football.
The very idea is clearly absurd.
However, as a humanitarian-minded ethereal entity I couldn’t help but be concerned for Windass after his unfortunate and humiliating mistake. After all, it can’t be nice to be in a position where your basic beliefs about how sport operates in Scotland are utterly toxic to those around you. Especially if the mass media is likely to be on your back.
So I gave Windass a call to see how he was.
To my astonishment he was absolutely fine!
He said that the Sevco PR operation had told him that the Record knew exactly where he was coming from, and that his comments had been great!
Confused, I asked Mr Windass what he meant by this.
He explained that the PR operation had instructed him that he had correctly referred to Celtic shamefully having more money to spend than the Ibrox outfit. As such, he had created an opportunity to put the ‘obsessed’ in their place and confirm the magnitude of Rangers’* historic achievements.
Windass told me that “the helpful PR person” had then reassured him that despite what almost everyone believed, and despite what the taxman may assert, the ‘same club’ ‘Rangers’ had actually always paid its players in chocolate coins. Chocolate coins which were also available to all other clubs in various pound shops across Scotland. Especially at Christmas, but also (preferably) in the New Year when they were often priced at two or three packs for a pound.
The truth of the matter, Windass was ‘told’, was that ‘Rangers’ NEVER had more actual money to spend than their rivals. Their alleged wealth back in the day was all based on chocolate coins.
As such, the Sevco PR operation was happy to endorse Windass’s views in the Record this week. Indeed, they felt that they were helpful in managing the expectations of fans who need to know that Celtic are brazenly spending their own money on players without so much as a by your leave.
So there you have it. Rangers gained no sporting advantage from having more money to spend on players than their competitors.
They only had chocolate.
And Celtic are ruining Scottish football by having their own hard-earned money to spend on better players as they see fit.
NB Remember folks, it’s just a big ‘WTF?’ at apparent inconsistencies in the ongoing Sevco reportage…