The Clumpany hears tidings of a major disturbance in Leicester in recent days.
Archaeologists report that the late King of England Richard III – who was much maligned by Shakespeare and eventually found buried under a Leicester car park in 2012 before being reinterred in the local Cathedral – has been on the move again!
Apparently the Cathedral clergy were shocked to find his tomb disturbed, with the monument moved and his coffin broken open. They immediately called in the local archaeologists who were familiar with the remains of the last Plantagenet King.
Sadly, the experts were at a loss to explain what had happened. Their initial suspicion of grave robbing was quickly ruled out when they confirmed that the coffin had been broken open from the INSIDE in (possibly) some sort of ironic tribute to Rangers* ‘coming’ again.
However, thankfully the answer eventually came when new Leicester City manager Brendan Rodgers held court at a local arena and informed the public – including a number of those local archaeologists – that he’d been informed by his staff that “Richard III wants a word with you.”
Brendan Rodgers apparently awaited the knock on his office door, and when it came, he invited Richard III to sit down.
Knowing his place, the one-time sovereign King of England said how pleased he was to meet Brendan Rodgers.
“Ooft, I’m pleased to meet you too Richard.” Brendan said in reply. “What can I do for you?”
“Well I didn’t want to just lay here in regal repose.” said Richard III.
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me here in Leicester” said Richard III.
And then the heroic, history-minded new Leicester manager replied “Listen Richard, as long as I’m here, you’re here”.
Whereupon the audience clapped at the magic of Brendan Rodgers…
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of satirical fun after a trying week…