Further to a number of non-stories from Scottish sport’s most self-respecting journalists and reputation-conscious media outlets, The Clumpany has been given some devastating information about the activities of a “prominent chairman of a club”* at the end of season 2007-8. [* NB the person concerned specifically asked that I refer to the ‘guilty’ party in this way as a tribute to those who – despite busting a gut to create a media frenzy – still can’t string a coherent sentence together].
Apparently – back in the day – the prominent chairman of a club sat down to watch the 2008 UEFA Cup Final and said “I hope Zenit give absolutely no help to Rangers”.
What an absolute disgrace, eh?
And when Zenit St Petersburg scored their opening goal against the club that former SFA Presidents will pretend is inhabiting the corpse of Sevco, they leapt out of their seat and said “This is a fantastic display of giving no help to Rangers. I sincerely hope that the Russians fail to render assistance to Rangers for the remainder of this fixture.
“And – thinking ahead – I really hope that goal ends up upsetting BBC Scotland presenters and pundits, as well as the staff of the Daily Record for the rest of eternity. If not longer! Woo f*cking hoo!”
The Clumpany is sure that my long suffering readers will be gasping with horror at this shameful display by a prominent chairman of a club.
But it gets worse.
Because when the second, winning, Zenit goal went in against the Dual Contract All Stars the prominent chairman of a club apparently punched the air and said “Help? You need a f*cking miracle to get out of this anti-football abyss Rangers!”
And then the prominent chairman of a club picked up the phone to call George Peat and tried to leave a message saying “Mwahahahahhahaha! There’s no helping Rangers now is there? Is there George?!
“Still, it’s only a small matter in the grand scheme of things isn’t it George? There’s a national sport to be run. A national sport with a big and explicit rulebook which is clear about declaring the terms of player contracts.
“Isn’t there George?
“Let me know if the SFA and Rangers need any HELP with it.”
If this isn’t devastating evidence of a prominent chairman of a club executing an anti-Rangers conspiracy to deprive them of European glory, what is?
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of sarcastic fun..