The Clumpany finds itself able to bring you some truly shocking wildlife news.
A man famous for being the nation’s foremost Keeper of Squirrels has been spotted undertaking some squirrel-based activity.
I know, amazing isn’t it?
The gentleman in question has a dignified track record of nurturing squirrels and releasing them into the wild just as soon as they are able to spray the surrounding area in jet-powered, squirrel-based effluent.
And today he really hasn’t held back. Normally the squirrels are allowed to do squirrel-type things in their squirrel-like way, while the Keeper Of Squirrels sits back and expects the squirrel-spotters of the Scottish mainstream squirrel media to report squirrel tidings as if there is no squirrel tomorrow.
But tonight the Keeper Of Squirrels has stunned squirrel-spotters everywhere by releasing himself into the wild! Quite what the other squirrels make of this remains to be seen.
We can be pretty certain that the Scottish mainstream squirrel media will simply carry the usual sort of squirrel-based news tomorrow.
However, tonight, veteran observers of the Keeper Of Squirrels have already been heard to say “f*ck me, it’s an unusually eye catching squirrel-based development for the Keeper Of Squirrels to come out into broad daylight and squirrel for the squirrelling delight of the squirrel-loving public. I wonder what’s going on?”.
Suggestions that veteran cynical observers of the Keeper of Squirrels could ‘smell a rat’ were initially greeted with delight by the Keeper Of Squirrels… until he realised that he hadn’t actually fooled them and that ‘smell a rat’ was just a figure of speech way more subtle than anything he had ever managed to write… 😉
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of satirical fun…