Following the conclusion of yesterday’s Linfield v Celtic match – a fixture akin to the Football Banter Gods coming up with a ‘great idea’ after their usual dealer accidentally sold them some really dark mood-altering sh*t (😉) – The Clumpany sent the footage to top Clumpany scientists for analysis.
I wanted to know quite why Leigh Griffiths had been booked. The Twitter feeds of the two competing clubs told different tales.
Following forensic, slow-motion analysis of the footage, The Clumpany can confirm that Linfield FC and (most importantly) the referee were absolutely right.
Leigh Griffiths was time-wasting.
He is bang to rights.
In what appears to be the blink of an eye to the ill-informed, you can clearly see Griffiths sit down at a mahogany bureau and write invitations using quill and ink.
These invitations were then sent to all manner of people around the world who duly replied via letter, messenger and carrier pigeon over a period of several months.
Having received their replies, Griffiths waited until the appointed day and had a very smart table and chairs set up in the corner of the Windsor Park pitch. The finest glasses known to humanity adorned the table and – unsurprisingly – the guests were hugely impressed when they arrived.
Ever the consummate host, Leigh Griffiths told the assembled company that he would have to leave them briefly to take a corner, but he hoped that his brief absence wouldn’t inconvenience them.
Griffiths was assured by all present that no one would mind him interrupting the occasion to do his job.
And then a problem arose.
Leigh realised he had forgotten to bring the booze for his on-pitch wine-tasting event!
Everyone shuffled uncomfortably in their seats and tried not to make eye contact with their host as the full extent of his failings became apparent.
But then something amazing happened!
Despite the huge disrespect he was clearly showing to the Champions League, and despite the massive inconvenience he was causing them, a kind-hearted Linfield fan decided to help Griffiths out. And so he threw the remnants of his half-bottle of Buckie in the general direction of the Celtic striker.
It is a matter of considerable social regret – but well-deserved football justice – that just as Griffiths was about to serve the Buckie he had picked up from the pitch the referee decided to book him for timewasting.
Nae luck Leigh. But you clearly brought the booking on yourself… 😉
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…