THE FINAL: The World Cup Of ‘Liquidation Lies’

 

CW: “Are you ready for the Final Act, Ally?” | AM: “Absolutely Craig!”

Good Evening.

So here we are. Thirty lumps of absolute horsesh*t have been shovelled away by folk with

• the ability to think for themselves; and
• a healthy disdain for blindingly obvious untruths.

The Final of the World Cup Of ‘Liquidation Lies’ is upon us! And if you have any doubts about the merits of this contest, I suggest you read this piece, which points out the degree to which some would take you for absolute mugs.

It really is extraordinary that the truth can be so ostentatiously corrupted in the service of maintaining a fiction about a football ‘club’. One wonders whether there is the Mother Of All Baseless Superiority Complexes In A Small Country at stake. Or whether the folk running Scottish media outlets simply cannot think of a way of existing from day to day without pandering to an Ibrox-oriented fiction.

Whatever the case, here are the results of the Semi-Finals after almost another 2,000 votes in two eye-wateringly tight contests [winners in bold]:

‘No Sporting Advantage’ (51%) v (49%) Rangers Were Demoted

The Holding Company Was Liquidated (53%) v (47%) Charles Green Bought The ‘History’

I will freely admit that the departure of Charles Green’s credulity-defying claim to have bought ‘The History’ is a shock given its early results in this competition. However, it ultimately lost to a worthy opponent. ‘The Holding Company Was Liquidated’ is a truly astonishing ‘lie’, relying as it does on a retrospective engineering of Company Law reaching all the way back to 1899 purely to

• give deluded and intimidation-minded fans a good night’s sleep; and
• allow governing bodies and parts of the sports media to avoid thinking of Scottish football as an actual sport which requires celebration of all of its clubs.

And as for the other Semi-Final result… Well, the narrowly-victorious ‘No Sporting Advantage’ really is a spectacular bit of nonsense which (as I write) still leaves the fans of 41 senior clubs wondering whether they paid into a complete sham rather than a sport for a decade or so.

So, there we have it. Two worthy finalists!

‘No Sporting Advantage’ v The Holding Company Was Liquidated. VOTE

And a third place playoff consisting of:

Rangers Were Demoted v Charles Green Bought The ‘History’  VOTE

The ties have been tweeted, and the results will be announced late on Monday night.

This is it folks! Your chance to vote for the biggest p*ss-take in the history of Scottish football.

Many ‘liquidation lies’ have been uttered since 2012 , but only one can be crowned World Champion.

Please think carefully, vote and retweet.

Many thanks and…

#KeepOnClumping

UPDATE, 11pm 29 February 2016: We have a winner! Click here to find out which is the World Champion ‘Liquidation Lie’. And click here to get the inside story of the awards ceremony. NB A VERY special guest put in an appearance.