Clumpany Matters, Satire

Sale Of The Century

“It’s the Pish of the Week”

Good Evening.

My pal Alan called me earlier today. It was good to hear from him as I haven’t seen him in ages. He was in absolute hysterics  about a conversation he had witnessed in the pub.

A group of friends were talking to a smartly-dressed man. The fellow – who apparently has a string of criminal convictions – told them about “a really good deal he’d got for some old sports gear – football tops and the like.” He said that although the goods weren’t this season’s latest trend, “they were still worth having, and the lads would be doing a good cause a really big favour if they bought them.”

Apparently a bystander at the bar asked the man just how fantastic the deal actually was, and to what extent the ‘good cause’ was going to benefit. He was immediately shouted down by the group of friends. 

He then tried to ask if this sports gear was the stuff he’d heard had been gathering dust in the warehouse of an entrepreneur, who was determined to make money on it, come what may.

The bystander was then called all sorts of names, and so he went back to his pint.

The smart-suited gentleman reassured the fans that this was the greatest deal of all time, but he couldn’t go into the details of it, and he was depending on them to do their duty in supporting a good cause.

Alan – struggling to speak as he guffawed – continued “It was unbelievable. The friends gave him a standing ovation! Some of them were even crying! The local paper was there taking photos for f*ck’s sake! And then they all rushed down the street to buy this stuff without even finishing their drinks, followed by the journalist who was shouting ‘make sure there’s a top left for me’ at them.

“I’ve never seen the like! Grown adults with a hive-like mentality going to buy stuff on the say-so of a convicted criminal without the details of quite how much of a good deal they are getting, or about how much the ‘good cause’ will actually make. They just took his word for it and off they went! 

“I bet the entrepreneur with his warehouse full of dust-covered sports goods can’t believe his luck! He must be thinking ‘kerching, kerching, ker-f*cking-ching’ as he watches the cash roll in!

“You couldn’t make it up! If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it possible. What an absolute joke!”

I know how Alan feels…

#KeepOnClumping