The Great Gasp

We all know that feeling!

Good Morning.

Did you hear it last night?

The great gasp of astonishment that went up across Twitter, and which echoed throughout the homes of a billion Bampots and 500 million Sevconians?

The incredible gasp can still be heard echoing around the corridors of Clumpany Towers this morning.

It’s quite possibly a World Record-Breaking Gasp.

So what was cause of this collective sharp intake of breath?

Allow me to explain…

Late last night, Keith Jackson offered us one of his occasional teasers about breaking news from Sevconia.

We were going to hear about the person in the frame to replace The Sharp-Elbowed One. 

And then the Record’s own Twitter account increased the tension…

Everyone leaned forward in their chairs.

Sevconians got a knot in their stomachs.

Timmy came out in a cold sweat of fear.

What astonishing turn of events was the King regime about to deliver?

What miracle was going to be pulled from the warchest by the ‘club’ which has talked about over-investing and doing whatever it takes to win the Championship this season and be ready for a subsequent assault on the Premiership?

We didn’t have to wait long to find out.

But it was most definitely worth the short wait.

No, this isn’t a made-up back page…

The resulting collective intake of break briefly threatened to starve the world of oxygen.

Then there was a pause.

A stunned pause.

And then Sevconians cried out “what the f*ck”? 

And Timmy laughed.

Oh how Timmy laughed. Long into the night…

Keith tried his best to put a sheen on things telling us that

“@tedermeatballs: Right, i’m trying to watch the golf here. For what it’s worth, Warburton sees Eustace as a Davie Weir type. The fulcrum of a young team”.

“@tedermeatballs: Although he’s almost 36 and a bit of a journeyman i think he’d be a very decent signing for Rangers. Better than what they’ve got for sure”

“Better than what they’ve got” is possibly the greatest example of ‘damning with faint praise’ you are ever likely to read!

And as for being “a bit of a Davie Weir type”… I am afraid that ‘a bit of’ isn’t the same as ‘is as good as’.

Davie Weir was undoubtedly a good footballer, who was able to carry on well past the age when most players have hung up their boots.

But he was an exception. His type don’t come along very often.

Even David Weir wasn’t always on top of his game

And even if John Eustace is signed, and turns out to be a brilliant catch, there is no evidence to suggest Sevco have the resources to surround him with talented players who can play for him and learn from him.

We are told that Eustace will be in Glasgow next week, and it will be interesting to see if he does sign, and how it is then spun.

His career history and statistics do not exactly set the world alight. ‘Journeyman’ would indeed seem to be an appropriate word.

Captain material?

Of course, it could be that Mark Warburton sees something special in him. The magic ingredient that could alight set his plans for conquering the Championship.

But for now, it looks like a desperate move by a ‘club’ with extremely limited resources and not a whole lot of imagination.

“No really! It’s a ‘Revolution’!”

But just to give the story an ‘edge’ and make Sevconians feel like Eustace is a valuable commodity, Keith tells us that Sheffield Wednesday and Leeds United are also interested in him.

Hmmmm. Spin? Surely not…

Let’s face it, had Eustace been signed by McCoist, no one would have been surprised. An ageing journeyman could have slotted into his squad with ease.

The Great Innovator, with his apprentices

The great gasp that I mentioned at the start of this was quite something to experience. Time will tell, but it felt like a potential watershed moment.

The moment that Sevconians realised (and everyone else had their suspicions confirmed) that there is no revolution at Sevco.

Mark Warburton’s squad arrives for its first training session

Short of a financial windfall appearing in war chest form, the race to put a team on the park for the first round of the Perpetual Failure Cup looks set to be a messy scramble.

A scooping up of the waifs and strays of British Football. Spun as the execution of a Warburton Masterplan, and as part of the Dave King Revolution.

Aye ready?

Yes. For further desperate measures down Sevco way.

Oh, and for many more belly laughs.