The Clumpany’s ethereal ears have been ringing from the silence of many of Michael Stewart’s media colleagues in backing him following his (temporary?) removal from the [*cough*] prestigious gig that is Sportsound.
Here are some of the best excuses I may have seen, heard or invented from the Poundshop press pack: 😉
- “‘Michael’ who?”
- ‘”Stewart’, who”
- “Is Stewart Michael any relation to George? Loved his songs! ‘Club Tropicana’ was inspired by David Murray’s parties you know. No I don’t have proof of that. Why would I need proof for anything I say?”
- “Michael Stewart should just ask for his money back if his Gym Trainer is giving him problems. No one wants to hear about it on the radio.”
- “No one backed me that time I bought a coffee from the canteen and it was cold.”
- “Don’t talk to me about ‘media controversy’. I once emailed Queen Victoria and she never replied. Not even an out of office notification. I was devastated and I got absolutely no support from my so-called colleagues.”
- Some irrelevant pish about ‘Bloggers’.
- “It’s all about opinions”. As long as it’s the right sort of opinion, it seems.
- “The Scottish sports media has never been influenced by Rangers’* PR operation. That’s what you wanted me to say isn’t it Jim? Let me know if you need anything else.”
- Random inflammatory mention of “Irish Irishman Phil MacChipOnHisShoulder.”
- “We are only here to talk about the football. And the value of Morelos. Did you know there has been £100m interest in Morelos from the top team on Neptune?”.
- “I don’t speak Spanish OR English. I’ve no view on the so-called ‘Translategate'”.
- “Ach it’s all just Old Firm* knockabout stuff.”
- Incoherent babble about “someone having to defend Rangers*”.
- “Can we get a nine-in-a-row Rangers legend on to replace Michael Stewart?”
- “Welcome to day 600 of our ‘Leigh Griffiths should be dismembered for his dirty play’ debate.”
- “Celtic fans aren’t blameless in all this [unspecific asserted bullsh*t]. They need to take a long hard look at the shame they have brought on the game. The SFA must step in and fire them into space with a big cannon.”
Keep across the Scottish sports media next week for more monumental spinelessness.
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of satirical fun…