Not appearing in tomorrow’s papers…
An Early Splash Of Success
The new Rangers* manager is relieved to have started climbing the bladder of success at a remarkably early stage of his Ibrox-based managerial career.
By A. Wee-Dribble
Rangers* fans were beside themselves with joy last night as they learned that their new stellar manager Steven ‘Still Getting His Coaching Badges’ Gerrard had bonded with some of his squad prior to him taking up his brown-brogued role.
The stunning news that the one-time Champions League winner had caused folk to think about Rangers’* assault on the Europa League sent the Light Blue Legions into entirely understandable raptures.
Eyewitnesses confirm that Gerrard had been going for a long-delayed piss after several pints and a protracted discussion about the futility of Sportsound, when the force of his urine stream caused a spectacular bounce-back off the urinal and on to the trainers of one of the Rangers* players who happened to be staying at the same hotel.
“You could see it as clear as day”, said our source. “Proper ‘Gerrard’ piss found its way on to the footwear of one of his squad.”
“You could see the bond he already has with the Rangers* first team squad, as well as his existing deep knowledge of the game by the way he said to the player ‘Sorry mate’ and by the way that the splashed victim said ‘no bother’.”
“I don’t count co-efficient points” continued our insider, “but if the Europa League takes any account of piss-giving, or indeed piss-taking, Rangers* are laughing all the way to a humiliating exit in a slightly later round this season.”
Meanwhile, in other news… Gerrard gets a head start in Europa League mission
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…