Good Evening.
The Clumpany is delighted to confirm the launch of a multimedia service which will enable you to get to know the Scottish legend who was famously portrayed by Mel Gibson in the film of his autobiography.
Wallace is a name known throughout the world, but how many of us can claim to really know the victor of Stirling Bridge: what he eats for breakfast, his favourite pubs, where he goes on holiday, and whether he prefers EastEnders to Coronation Street?
Well now you have the chance to find out! For a small fee, you can gain access to The Clumpany’s new premium interactive ‘Wallacevision’ service, which will bring you:
- Weekly podcasts in which The Clumpany and Wallace will discuss the week’s news and sport, and slag off football phone-ins.
- Wallace’s Video Diary, in which Sir William will give subscribers an insight into his daily life working in a branch of Homebase, playing darts for his local pub, and acting as a volunteer Bingo caller at sheltered housing for elderly people.
- Live online Q&A sessions with Wallace, where you set the agenda. Especially if the agenda is about late-13th and early-14th Century Scotland.
- An exclusive 15-part documentary series “Wallace Visits London Again” where the great man goes to Westminster Abbey and makes a series of obscene gestures at the tomb of Edward I.
- Access to “What’s App William?”, an innovative new app for your smartphone which allows you to recreate the experience of being hung, drawn and quartered, and which offers a unique insight into how Wallace somehow survived and lived on into the 21st Century.
This exciting new history-making, credulity-stretching, death-defying service is available to anyone in exchange for a copy of Rangers FC’s ‘end of administration’ certificate.
Don’t all rush at once…
#KeepOnClumping
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…
The Clumpany 