Media, SFA, Uncategorized

Spare A Thought For Alan


Good Evening.

Regular readers will remember my good pal Alan. He is a committed seeker of truth and justice in Scottish football, and as such he is completely invisible to the Scottish sports media and many others.

The Invisible Man

He’s had a tough time today. 

He got up this morning and hoped to read about the truth of goings-on behind the scenes at Sevco. He went to the local newsagent and asked for the paper which best-included this coverage. The shopkeeper went into a thousand-yard stare as if Alan wasn’t there.

Alan left empty-handed and headed towards the Celtic AGM. En route he tried to browse the sports news on his luminous green smartphone (he’ll do anything to be seen…). He typed ‘STV News UEFA new club/ company letter’ into Google and got the error message ‘user not found’.

The then passed the time on the bus by reading about Sevco’s exciting and expensive January transfer plans, before arriving at the Celtic AGM. He got up and tried to ask a question about when the Celtic board might actually make a substantive public comment about the work of the Resolution 12 requisitioners. 

Alan thought it was encouraging that the club was about to meet the requisitioners, and had fleetingly mentioned ‘a serious governance issue’ at the AGM. However, he wanted to know why he was now attending a fourth shareholder meeting where you would struggle to get the impression that the board are taking the Resolution seriously.

He went up to the microphone, started speaking and then knocked over a glass of water. 

“Poltergeist!” screamed a board member. The room was evacuated and Alan’s big moment was gone.

After leaving the meeting, Alan received a text from yours truly informing him that ‘The Offshore Game’ had published another report about the SFA. “That’s it” Alan said to himself “I’m going to make sure the spineless media actually read and report it this time”.

And so poor Alan spent a fruitless afternoon haranguing members of the press. Who completely blanked him. He had no problem getting past security as the culture of ignoring folk who want answers about the governance of our national sport is so deeply ingrained in these organisations. He even printed out copies of the report and arranged them across the floor of one newsroom so that they spelled out the words “FFS! Grow a pair!”.

Alan noticed that in every media outlet he visited all the floors were numbered ‘5’, which made for a confusing time in the lifts! “It was as though no matter where I went, I was always on Level 5” Alan later said to me…

He even tried hanging around a few car parks in the hope of getting the attention of the industry’s finest super hero. But to no avail.

And then, just as he was about to completely despair, he saw this:


Alan’s heart was lifted! A proper journalist recognising that there might be something in the sort of issues raised by ‘The Offshore Game’. I’ve just heard from Alan and he said he’s had a nice face-to-face chat with Alex, who complimented him on his smart attire, stylish glasses and inquiring mind. 

Alan says it’s wonderful to have your existence acknowledged by someone who helps to make the news…

#KeepOnClumping

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