Good Morning.Glasgow City Council hasn’t issued the following waste recycling guidance… 😉
Green Bin Recycling
What is it?
The green bin recycling service is for the collection of overpaid rubbish footballers.
When is my green bin collected?
Once a year you can aim to have a massive clear out but will end up only half-filling the bin.
Bin lorries are not needed but could certainly be provided if necessary. No really. We have a journalist lined up to assert the ‘fact’ if necessary.
Instead, a bus will be along any minute now to take the rubbish footballers. Honest. Failing that, there will be golf buggies to remove the stinking mess.
Managers who fill their green bin to excess in the hope of persuading their chairman to pay for new players will receive short shrift.
What can go into the green bins?
You can dispose of the following items within your green bin:
• goalkeepers of whom one might ask “what’s the goalie daein?”
• defenders. Or Bruno Alves.
• midfield dynamos with utterly implausible alleged release clauses in their contracts.
• strikers who never quite seem to be sold to the Chinese for over £11m.
Placing individuals other than those noted above into the green bin will adversely affect the quality of the material that we send to our re-processing partners. We need proper shit to make decent compost for the parks and gardens of Glasgow. Consequently, the truly abject nature of players deposited is a vital consideration.
What should not be placed in the green bin?
Please do not place the following items into your green bin:
• Title hopes
• Baseless superiority complexes
• Failed tifos
• Concert parties
• Promises of Nomads
• Empty war chests
• Bullshit newspaper stories to sell season books.
Please dispose of these items by shoving them up your deluded arses.
What happens to the green bin contents?
After being photographed and posted on Twitter for the entertainment of the whole of humanity, the contents of the green bin are taken to the transfer market fire sale. The players are separated from their disappointing career history prior to being hawked around lower league English clubs with more money than sense.
Any leftover players – which will be most of them – will be recycled into the Sevco squad to play their part in another piss-poor season.
Please note, the above guidance does not apply to Celtic FC who should simply call the Council and quote the reference STATEAID if they need assistance.
NB Remember folks, fly-tipping is illegal.