Blubberwell Football Club today didn’t release the following statement in relation to things just NOT BEING FAIR.
“Many supporters, untold millions, in fact so many fans that we can’t actually give you an exact number, have contacted the club seeking to have a good greet and to prompt us to do the same in public. And they want us to do so even if it makes us look silly and causes people to point, laugh and make comparisons to Sevco.
And do you know something? DO. YOU. KNOW. SOMETHING? We are going to have that greet and we ARE going to stamp our feet for good measure. Because incidents in recent games with Celtic are just too much to justify the toys being kept in our pram any longer.
“Firstly, it is unfortunate that the aftermath of yet another Blubberwell match has been dominated by us having to have a debatable debate amongst ourselves and with a surprising number of hitherto-unknown Blubberwell fans from the south side of Glasgow. A debatable debate about another debatable decision by a match official. It is a debatable decision that has left the majority of our supporters again debating quite how frustrated they should continue to feel whilst ignoring a compelling camera angle showing a foul in the penalty area.
“There is no debatable debate about the fact that match officials have a challenging role, and we know that getting everything correct is impossible (look at this statement, for example). However, it is teddy bear-clutchingly heartbreaking, and dummy-spittingly irritating to see high profile decisions (which are just like ‘decisions’, but hyped up for the purposes of a grievance-articulating statement) affect both Wednesday night’s match and the League Cup final in the way we assert they have.
“As such, we have made contact with the Scottish FA’s Head of Refereeing in order to be able to say that we have contacted the Scottish FA’s Head of Refereeing. Let there be no misunderstanding about our resolve in this matter: the Scottish FA’s Head of Refereeing has been contacted.
“We would also like to thank our fans for yet another large attendance and for supporting the team. Our average attendances are up almost as high as Scott Sinclair was propelled when he was fouled in the Hampden penalty area, and Stephen Robinson and his squad continue to capture the imagination as clearly as Andy Rose caught Callum McGregor at Fir Park.
“We also note the comments of the Celtic captain today. If any incidents are reported to us, or we glance at the footage of the match, we will fully investigate them. Including the possibility that coins were thrown on the pitch in a simple case of Fir Park being mistaken for a wishing well.
“In addition, we will work with Celtic to investigate the numerous acts of vandalism, including a very precisely-counted 206 broken seats (that’s 206, NOT 205 but TWO HUNDRED-AND-SIX broken seats), damaged toilets and graffiti in the McEwan Fraser Legal South Stand. Nice mention for the sponsors there!”
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun (and for the avoidance of doubt, I condemn vandalism!)