A STATEMENT ON MICHAEL STEWART
Following a complaint from our magnificent benefactor His Grace James Duke of Traynor about an absolutely disgusting foul mouthed tirade, the Headmaster has had a jolly stern word with Michael Stewart and explained in words of one syllable that it is not nice to disrespect your betters.
A clip round the ear was duly administered to the young upstart and Master Stewart has been sent out to pick up litter in the playground for as long as the Headmaster deems proper.
We always applaud our pupils for having their own ideas as long as they are the school’s ideas, and we encourage creativity as long as it has been faxed over from the offices of His Grace James Duke of Traynor. But Master Stewart has behaved in an uppity manner unbecoming of a pupil of this school and it simply won’t do.
Master Stewart agrees with what we say, and will continue to do so when he actually sees what we have said. On that basis, Master Stewart will one day be welcome to join the Headmaster and other pupils in the Sir Walter of Cardigan Sporting Integrity Common Room for lemonade and a special showing of the ‘Rangers: 9-In-A-Row’ Betamax video, which has been provided at the expense of Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs.
Provided that he remains silent at all times.
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of satirical fun…