Clumpany Matters, Media, Scottish Football

The Christmas List


Good Evening.

It would be remiss of The Clumpany not to take time out from an evening of mulled Buckie and Bleach to wish you all a very happy Christmas.

I can’t spend too long writing as my pal Alan is due to pop round and I haven’t seen him in ages…

Alan says he’ll bring round some of his famous Utterly Mince Pies. They are made from genuine Evening Shark-Jump articles.

He will also bring a small handful of hand-crafted ‘Daily Record Sevco peanuts’. Produced in Edinburgh, all eleven of them are a-salted by Hibs fans. 😉

We’ll be keeping an eye out for Santa and hoping he doesn’t get grounded by drones. He should be OK though given that Sportsound is currently off air.

My Christmas list is pretty short this year. It begs for a merciful release for Scottish football from the professional trolling of Sky Sports. I mean, who in their right mind would ever contemplate putting Boyd, Commons and McCann in the same studio in the name of either entertainment or analysis? It has to be an elaborate practical joke, doesn’t it? And how hard can it be to tell the difference between Dundee and Dundee United? One of them is an embarrassment to Dundee and the other is… err…

Oh. 😉

I’d quite like to see Peter Lawwell separated from his cheque book and locked in the toilet for the entire duration of the next transfer window. He’ll be able to freely sh*t himself at the prospect of actual money being spent on players, but he won’t be able to interfere in the recruitment process.

I hear Dave King has asked for a new pair of boots and 19 million cans to be delivered outside the Court of Session so he can indulge his favourite pastime of kicking them down the road until the end of time. I also hear that the Takeover Panel has had an interdict slapped on the elves who make presents so Dave might have to borrow other people’s cans and boots. There’s a first time for everything I suppose.

I don’t know what Mike Ashley wants for Christmas, but I do know that he’s having Christmas dinner with his legal team, and the traditional jokes in his Christmas crackers have been replaced by pictures of the new Sevco shop. Apparently the assembled QC’s think it’s the funniest thing they have ever seen.

Right, I need to go, but before I do let’s hope that Keith Jackson gets something nice for Christmas

If the above tweet is his Christmas list then I fear Keith is going to be disappointed. Santa previously brought him TWO Sevcos (5088 and Scotland) and he now denies they ever arrived! Santa doesn’t like having his generosity thrown back in his face.

And before anyone at the Record dares to suggest that Santa isn’t real, let me reassure them that he is…

Have a great Christmas with those nearest and dearest to you. But if Christmas isn’t easy for you, may you get through it as best you can and go forward into better times.


NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…