Media, Satire, Sevco

A Holiday With Club Sevco

Good Evening.

Having seen some recent sun-drenched, pre-season, Sevco-chasing reports from the Scottish football media’s finest, The Clumpany is delighted to be able to bring you an exclusive holiday offer in association with Flights of Fancy Ltd.

Flying out from Glasgow, you will land in southern Spain and stay in an entirely inconsequential hotel for the duration of your visit. All you will need to know is that Stevie G and the Hitherto-Unknown World-Beating Rangers* Signings Who Are Here To Steal Celtic’s Crown are training somewhere nearby.

This exclusive ‘dignity-spared’ holiday will provide you with access to the Rangers* squad which is training ahead of the upcoming SPFL season. This access will give you a fantastic opportunity to drool over the signing of players that you have never heard of, and will allow you to ask the Rangers* manager or his PR representative if they would like to tickle your tummy.

The luxury break will include access to a vintage ‘David Murray Era’ grill, upon which you can prepare some especially-succulent lamb without undertaking any self-reflection whatsoever.

We feel sure that this opportunity will delight you, if no one else.

The holiday also includes permanent membership of the Dignity-a-Go-Go night spot in which you can dance around a series of uncomfortable liquidation-denying truths without ever being held to account.

We feel sure that Stevie G will appreciate your mindless interest in the affairs of Club Sevco, and we believe that Chairman Dave King will enjoy your acceptance of any PR spin that you are able to embrace.

This amazing holiday offer is available at the exclusive discounted rate of the loss of your self-respect and the unrelenting mirth of those around you.

Book now^ to ensure the profound disappointment of your nearest and dearest.

^Offer open only to Scottish sports journalists. 😉

#KeepOnClumping

NB Remember folks, it’s just a satire on the unique ‘pleasures’ of Scottish football.