It has come to The Clumpany’s attention that large numbers of administrators in the SFA and SPFL are fatally compromised.
F*ck it, they are all clearly as guilty as sin.
The really bad sort of sin.
Not the ‘administrative oversight’ or the ‘imperfectly sinful’ sort of sin.
I mean the bloody outrageous, banged-to-rights sort of sin.
The sort of sin that would cause Satan to blush were his burning skin not already bright red.
I speak of an absolutely appalling conflict of interest which means that the Hampden top brass has to resign en masse.
Let me explain.
You know Celtic share-owning Celtic supporter and Celtic board member, Dermot ‘Celtic Man’ Desmond?
Yes that’s him there. Flagrantly associating with Celtic players as if there is no tomorrow.
Well let me tell you something about Dermot Desmond. And you might want to sit down for this as it is a truly shocking revelation.
Dermot Desmond likes golf.
In fact, Dermot Desmond PLAYS golf.
Look, there he is.
Oh and there he is again, looking very pleased with himself, and practically bringing football into disrepute.
It is Dermot Desmond’s golfing activities that have compromised the Hampden top brass.
Do you know how?
I’ll tell you.
Because folk who work at the SFA and SPFL also play golf.
Not necessarily with Dermot Desmond. In fact almost certainly NOT with Dermot Desmond.
But they play golf. And that’s practically a smoking gun in terms of a conflict of interest.
You can easily imagine an SFPL or SFA officer lining up a putt on the 18th green and thinking to themselves “Dermot Desmond also plays golf. When I get back to the office I must rig Scottish football to give Celtic an unfair advantage.”
It’s a disgrace, so it is!
Before anyone asks, no I don’t have any evidence of which Scottish football administrators play golf. Nor do I have any proof of what they think about, or whether they act on their thoughts.
It’s clearly far better to revel in the attention to be gained from throwing out accusations.
So, all in all it would be best for Scottish football for these conflicted people with golfing links to Dermot Desmond to be thrown out of the game.
And for Dave King to be put in charge.
After all, he’s famous for being a caddy and thereby completely removed from the terrible golf-playing taint.
Isn’t he? 😉
NB Remember folks, it’s just a satire on the week’s piss-poor real-life comedy…