Satire, Sevco

The Union Bears Make A Cup Of Tea

Good Evening.

Here is a statement that the Union Bears haven’t actually made…


Enough Is Enough

The Union Bears wish to make it known that events related to the recent performance of Rangers* against Celtic are simply not good enough.

Celtic battered Rangers* and the players looked bereft of ideas in the face of their onslaught. Just as we are lacking in understanding of the difficult words we used in the last sentence when our clever mate suggested we include them for a dare.

But the most shameful display last Sunday came after we all ran crying to our mums and hoped that they would pretend Timmy hadn’t actually won 4-0.

It is our understanding that one supposedly caring mother failed to put a comforting fifth sugar in her boy’s cup of tea when he got home from the match.

This proud bear was left humiliated and practically choking on his possibly sectarian four-sugar cup of tea.

The loyalty and dignity of Rangers* fans usually knows no bounds. But sadly we have no option but to take this suspected Fenian Mum to task and hope that she is rattled by our utterly futile gesture.

As such, the Union Bears announce that while we will continue to drink tea, it will not have a watery presence. For too long the parental forces of refreshment have taken us for granted and assumed that we will accept whatever is put in front of us.

But no more. Until such time as our every last tragic squealing grievance has been addressed, we will hold a firm line and only drink tea without any water in it.

We trust that this hardline stance will convince the Rangers* board of our credentials and determination.

However, should that not prove to be the case, the current custodians of our club* should be in no doubt that we will continue to end all our statements with ‘No Surrender’ to increasing comic effect.

No Surrender.




NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of satirical fun…