Football Blogging Awards, Satire, Scottish Cup

The Scottish Cup Is Shite

Good Evening.

The Clumpany has just received some very interesting results from The Clumpany labs.

Top Clumpany scientists have spent the past week undertaking some highly detailed analysis, and have produced conclusions that are sure to shake Hampden to its core and cause something of an existential crisis in much of Scottish football.

No, they haven’t proved that Stewart Regan left the SFA without depositing a lasting stain on Scotland’s national sport.

No, they haven’t demonstrated that the accompanying side letters of the late Rangers FC’s EBT scheme were entirely transparent. Yes, it was possible to see straight through them, but you had to find them first! And therein lay their problem!

And no, Clumpany scientists haven’t verified the hypothesis that ‘same club’ Rangers* is the world’s most successful club. In fact one of the lads in the lab had a Club biscuit during his tea break today, and remarked to his colleagues that “this is the best chocolate-based snack I have ever had”. So back in your box ‘Rangers’. That’s another Club which is way ahead of you in the success stakes…

Anyway, I digress….

The Clumpany labs had been testing the punditry surrounding this weekend’s Scottish Cup semi-finals.

Their first finding was not unexpected. It seems that Motherwell and Aberdeen don’t exist. 😉

The second finding was the truly earth-shattering one. It is that the Scottish Cup is actually a complete pile of shite.

Really stinky, festering, steaming shite.

Piled so high that it has altitude sickness.

The worst shite you can possibly imagine. Only even more shite than that.

They reached this conclusion using tons of evidence that the press pack can only discuss the merits and excitement of this weekend’s fixtures by using the term ‘Old Firm’, and by making repeated references to a dead club.

That’s right folks. The Scottish Cup is apparently so far beyond redemption, and rotting in the cesspit of ignominy, that apparently-sentient commentators have to lie about one of its participants to make it sound worthwhile or interesting!

What a sad situation for a venerable old competition to find itself in.

>>>>>>

BTW while I am here, I would just like to confirm (not that anyone cares!) that I will not be soliciting votes in the Football Blogging Awards this year. Not will I be buying them, or hacking the server of the organisers!

I had two good runs, getting to the final of the ‘Best New Blog’ category on both occasions. I am not in the same league as the big-hitting blogs in various other categories, and frankly I don’t think I write enough these days to be worth consideration. Your readership and ongoing support are reward enough. [*Pause for you to vomit*].

Despite the excellent and always-stimulating competition, I shall be voting for m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ Phil Mac Giolla Bhain in the ‘Best International Football Blog’ category. Like or loathe him, Phil has ploughed a very impressive furrow for ten years without horses or agricultural machinery.

The overall Sevco narrative from his site remains compelling, repeatedly correct, and offers a very sharp contrast to the staring-at-shoes narrative of the mainstream media. Not least in calling out anti-Irish racism and piss-poor governance wherever it may be found.

And his blog is always a good place to savour the excellent word ‘stenographers’.

And if you need some motivation to cast your vote for Phil, take a look at this…

And especially this… 😉

Tanks And Other Reversing Things

I will also be voting for @FitbaTips in the Best Gambling Football Blog category. Mainly because I like their banter!

Details on how to vote are here.

Good luck to all the participants!

#KeepOnClumping

NB Remember folks, this is a postscript written in bold…