Satire, Scottish Football, SFA

A Nasty Vomiting Bug

Good Evening.

The Clumpany is feeling under the weather.

It’s normally pretty germ-free in the ether, and I can usually go about my ethereal business with a healthy glow. However, today I have come down with something pretty awful.

The mother of all vomiting bugs.

I’ve been sick everywhere.

All over the Clumpany kitchen.

All over the Clumpany sofas.

On every single carpet in every room in Clumpany Towers. And that’s a LOT of rooms.

I’ve been throwing up every couple of minutes. Often in a projectile-like manner.

The windows have all been plastered with thick, slimy, stinking, regurgitated stomach matter, and as I type I can see it oozing down and obscuring the view out to the Clumpany gardens.

And the gardens themselves haven’t escaped the horror movie-style sicky onslaught either.

The grass is no longer green.

The paths look like streams of vomit. Which is no surprise really, as that is exactly what they are right now.

And as for the Clumpany lake…. Well let’s just say that no open water swimmers will fancy training in it any time soon.

It’s a scene of utter devastation as far as the eyes can see and the body can wretch.

I really hope I get over this bug soon.

Well, I assume it is a bug. I haven’t actually spoken to the Clumpany doctors yet.

Then again, it could be extreme nausea caused by the Scotland national side being managed by an EBT recipient who admitted to dead Rangers getting an unfair sporting advantage when he was the manager.

Ugh! Must dash, I’m about to throw up again.

Please keep your fingers crossed for my speedy recovery. 😉


NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…