Media, Satire, Scottish Football, SFA

Slagging Off The SFA

Good Evening.

Possibly not appearing in a newspaper near you tomorrow


Editorial: The Future of the SFA

This paper makes the big call that everyone has been waiting for.

By Ed. Band-Wagon

The Afternoon Guffaw has never shied away from confronting the biggest issues in Scottish football.

From the aeroplane legroom enjoyed by senior administrators, to the quality of biscuits in the press box, we have always lived up to the expectations of our loyal-yet-demanding readers and spoken truth to power. Or at least spoken to power. OK, we have doffed a cap to them, and given them our coats on a cold day.

From the warm applause we offered to the authorities for helping Rangers* to emerge from liquidation in 2012, to the palm leaves we scattered before Dave King in 2015, whenever there has been a boat to be rocked we have come over all seasick and gone for a lie-down.

So it will come as no surprise to you to read that we have decided to take a bold stance on the current circumstances surrounding the SFA. With no chief executive or Scotland manager in place, with problems in securing sponsors, and with a huge decision to make about the future of Hampden Park, this is a time for us to nail our colours to the mast.

Let there be no doubt, this paper has taken a long hard look at everything that has happened in Scottish football in recent years, and assessed the contribution of the governing body to it.

Having done this, we have absolutely no qualms in expressing our unshakable conviction that the SFA might not be quite as good as it should be.

While we wouldn’t wish to see the organisation abolished, or completely restructured, or substantively altered, or changed all that much, we do think that the Hampden power-brokers need to ask themselves some searching questions, and should commission a review of the standard of toilet roll on offer at the SFA’s HQ.

This is no half-hearted call on the part of this newspaper. We want the review to be comprehensive and encompass the toilet roll in both the gents’ and the ladies’.

However, we are also clear that the review needs to be constructive. There is nothing to be gained from pandering to the foaming-at-the-mouth elements on social media who would only pollute a debate about toilet roll by suggesting that they wouldn’t wipe their anonymous arses with our rag of a newspaper.

So we therefore invite – and indeed trust – the SFA to do the right thing in-house.

Our readers can rest assured that this paper will be unrelenting in its determination to hold the SFA to account. We will be like a dog with a bone. Especially if your image of a dog with a bone is a playful Andrex puppy looking for approval and cuddles.



NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…