Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

Jam Tomorrow FC

Good Morning.

In a Light Blue household somewhere in Glasgow…


Child: “Dad! Can we have some jam on our bread?”

Dad: “Errrr.”

Child: “But we are hungry!”

Dad: “Errrr.” [*Thinks to himself “Times are hard and money is rather tight.”]

Child: “Dad! Dad! DAD! Jam!”

Dad: “Well, err… would you like something else instead? I’ve got this old half-packet of Rich Tea biscuits. Yum!”

Child: “Dad! We want jam! And lots of it too. Jam for all our friends!”

Dad: “What friends?”

Child: “The ones we have coming round for tea. You do remember, don’t you?”

Dad: “Do I?.”

Child: “Yes, you invited them round last summer.”

Dad: “Oh. How many are coming and expecting jam for tea?”

Child: “Well over 40,000 of our very best friends.”

Dad: “What?!”

Child: “And they are really looking forward to the best tea EVER, with lots of jam!”

Dad: “Oh God…”

Child: “Dad! Dad! DAAAAAAAAD!?”

Dad: “OK. OK. OK.”

Child: “We can have jam!? Can we?!”

Dad: [*Rummaging in the pockets of an old coat*] “Yes, here we are! Boy have I got some jam for you! Ta-da!”

Child: “Oh! Those look like three crumpled tiny plastic pots of jam with the lids half-peeled off.”

Dad: “Let me tell you something. I ‘borrowed’ these jams from a hotel. These are the finest jams in the whole world. The tastiest, most impressive jams you will ever see. These jams will make everyone who isn’t invited to tea extremely jealous.”

Child: “Ooh brilliant Dad! I can’t wait to laugh at Timmy at school about our quality jams! He’ll be gutted!”

Dad: “That’s the spirit!”

Child: “But will there be enough jam to go round to make everyone happy? All 40-odd thousand of my friends?”

Dad: “Don’t you worry about that Billy. I am going to BUY lots and lots and lots of jam so we can have the best tea ever!”

Child: “Awesome! When will you do that, Dad?”

Dad: “Tomorrow, Billy. There will be jam tomorrow….”

Child: “You’re the best, Dad!”



NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…

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