Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

‘Winning’ An Intercontinental Cup

Rangers* Caked In American Success

Stateside Cup triumph was no trifling matter says our man perusing the Gers’* American menu of delights.

By O. Yummy

Rangers’* massive dinner party in the USA ended in a feast of success as they ate up and spat out their opposition last night in the Flo ‘n’ Ida Cupcake. Flo and Ida were – of course – two English nans who emigrated to America, but who could probably win the Scottish Premiership… err… single-handedly.

Rangers* adopted an attacking line-up with two curries up front who managed to play some spicy football. But there were other great performances, not least from six-layer cake in goal, classic burgers and fries in defence, and some truly creative pancakes in midfield.

A packed crowd of fast-food stalls witnessed an epic encounter which saw the Gers* stamp their culinary authority on the Brazil nut opposition.

The waiter had very little to do as the meal was conducted in a great spirit and he only had to show the menu twice in a fast-scoffing encounter.

The Gers* management freshened things up at half time, replacing pancakes with waffles, and bolstering the attack with some onion bhajis. There was also a surprise change in tactics as Graeme Murty opted for room service back at the hotel later instead of a restaurant meal.

The Rangers* fans trip joined in the spirit of the occasion by singing about “being up to our knees in Mississippi Mud”. This was probably a banterful reference to the exquisite dessert which – incidentally – I smeared on my body throughout the match.

Having turned on the style, and with the waiter disappointing adding only two mints to the plate accompanying the bill, the heroic Rangers* players quickly took the salute of the travelling fans at the end of the game and headed off for some more food.

All in all this was a great trip for the Light Blues. Not one plate was left empty throughout, and the players will certainly be ready to devour the Scottish Premiership at the end of the winter break.

As for your humble correspondent, I am away to grab my final opportunity for a burger grease rub-down before heading home. God bless the United States of America!


Further dispatches from the Flo ‘n’ Ida Cupcake can be found at:

Wow! America!

The MSM Goes To Florida

The Most Surprised Man In The World

Oh, and let’s not forget this…

Rangers in Florida: Ibrox stars lap up phenomenal training facilities but it’s all about the top notch grub for hungry Press pack


NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…