Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

A Fight To The Death?

Good Evening.

The Clumpany had a call early this morning from my good pal Alan. It was nice to hear from him as I haven’t seen him in ages. 😉

Last night he’d overheard two blokes in the pub talking about Sevco ‘swooping’ for Hamilton’s Greg Docherty.

Alan was in a high state of alarm because the lads had said that – according to the Record – Hamilton were ready to play ‘hardball’ with Sevco over their player, who has plenty of time left on his contract.

Alan likes the world to be a peaceful place, and hadn’t managed to catch up with the Record article, so he called me for the low-down…

Alan: “Apparently the article said ‘hardball’! You’ve got to tell me what Hamilton are up to. Have they got the player locked up in a secret location? Because that would be a bit OTT”.

TC: “No Alan…”

Alan: “Have they gone to Court and had an interdict slapped on Stewart Robertson to stop him from trying to organise the transfer? Wow!”

TC: “No Alan…”

Alan: “Have they invented an invisibility cloak in a secret laboratory and forced Docherty to wear it at all times so that Sevco can never find him? That’s incredible!”

TC: “No Alan…”

Alan: “Have they got Dave King in a headlock? Have they sent the heavy mob round to give the Sevco board and Murty a good kicking? Bloody Hell!”

TC: “No Alan…”

Alan: “Have they put up observation posts with machine guns around the stadium and training ground to stop Sevco from approaching their player? I bet they have! With tanks patrolling a 2-mile perimeter? Dear me!”

TC: “No Alan…”

Alan: “Have they started shelling Ibrox from a submarine in the Clyde? A submarine that they bought from a shady arms dealer in the toilets of a nightclub using a pile of book tokens that their clandestine forgery operation had changed to look like cash? That’s outrageous!”

TC: “No, no, no, no NO Alan! You’ve got it all wrong!”

Alan: “What? You mean it’s something even more appalling? What the f*ck are Hamilton playing at? I’m not normally one to sympathise with Sevco, but it sounds like Accies are bang out of order here.”

TC: “It seems that the Hamilton Chairman wants to receive a proper, professional, cash-based offer for the player, Alan.”

Alan: [*Silence*]

TC: “Alan? Alan? ALAN? Are you still there?”

Alan: [*Thudding sound*] [*Phone goes dead*]

Alan was subsequently rushed to hospital suffering from shock, but is expected to be discharged in a couple of days. Rumours that several senior Sevco officials are in the same ward for treatment remain unconfirmed… 😉

Hamilton ready to play hardball with Rangers* after Ibrox side make move for Greg Docherty

#KeepOnClumping

NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…