Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

The Sevco Administration Fantasy


Good Evening.

OK everybody, it is time to stop messing about. It is time to stop deluding ourselves. It is time to get a grip, and face some cold hard facts.

Rangers* are not at risk of going into administration. All is well. In fact things are so well at Ibrox that you could lower a bucket on a piece of rope, pull it back up and find it full of water. I say water, but it could actually be the Timmy tears cried when we realised that we had got it so very wrong, and Rangers* are – in fact – in rude financial health. So rude in fact, that their accounts can only be bought from the top shelf of a newsagent.

We have had our fun, our laughs, and our schadenfreude. But enough is enough. It is time to admit that Rangers* are in a good place, rolling in cash and ready to crush all opposition.

Anyone not willing to accept this needs to take a long hard look at themselves and seek help. Rangers* are not the one with problems. You are.

It is quite clear to anyone without an agenda who cares to investigate that the RIFC board has brought a golden era to the Ibrox outfit. An era where money is no problem whatsoever. People say that Rangers* couldn’t secure the managerial services of Derek McInnes owing to an acute lack of immediately-available funds. I am here to tell you that such assertions are simply incorrect. Dave King put the money to compensate Aberdeen in an escrow account, and if anyone doesn’t believe this, I understand that the crow himself is willing to squawk on the Bible that it is true.

As for the suggestion that there is no money to assemble a world-beating squad of players, you only have to look at all the board members standing by with penknives and a willingness to sell their kidneys to know that this an insulting lie.

Rangers* have so much money that they have engaged a recruitment consultant to hire extra zeros to appear on the end of their bank balance, and the under soil heating at Ibrox has been converted so it is powered by burning bundles of £20 notes.

Some have suggested that the Takeover Panel and Court of Session insistence that Dave King makes an offer for RIFC shares at 20p each might cause extreme difficulties for both Chairman and football ‘club’. This is absolute garbage. Dave is currently counting out the pennies he saved in an empty whisky bottle the size of the Empire State Building and can make the required share offer if ultimately necessary. But what a waste of time it would be, given that RIFC shares are currently worth ten bars of gold each as a result of the board’s exceptional stewardship!

Mark my words, these are great days for Rangers*. All talk of financial difficulties and administration is simply wishful thinking on the part of the obsessed, envious, and deluded.

Dave ‘Kerching’ King has the Midas touch, and Rangers* are coming to humiliate us all.

Meanwhile, in other news…

Rangers* heading for administration? That’s more Aye Right than Aye Ready

I think Gary may have finally found his ‘lost relationship’ with Rangers*.

NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…