Media, Satire, Scottish Football

Winning: Evening Shark-Jump Style

Good Evening.

The Clumpany has received a tip-off that the Evening Shark-Jump has commissioned a series of “Great Winners of Sport” articles to fill space during the the Scottish Football winter break.

The pieces will consist of reviews and – where possible – interviews reflecting upon some of the great sporting occasions and the people who were involved in them.

Ever one to try and break the big stories, The Clumpany has managed to get a sneak preview of the titles of each article. I have also learned that the series will culminate in the Evening Shark-Jump giving an award to the ‘Greatest Winner In Sport’!

Please remember to act surprised ‘when’ everyone’s favourite attempted newspaper subsequently runs the following articles. It would be a real shame to upset them by displaying your prior knowledge…

  • George Foreman: How I Made Coward Ali Rumble In MY Jungle.
  • Eintracht Frankfurt: Our European Cup Glory In Glasgow.
  • Tim Henman: My Legendary Wimbledon Title Hat-trick.
  • Jimmy White: How I Repeatedly Crushed Stephen Hendry At The Crucible.
  • Jimmy White: That Crushing Really DID Happen Over And Over And Over Again.
  • Bon Accord: Arbroath’s Humiliation Must Still Be A Living Nightmare For Them.
  • Joe Frazier: Ali Was Clearly Iller In Manila That Me.
  • Dick Dastardly: Cheating Bastards! That Pigeon Was On Drugs And ‘Penelope Pitstop’ Isn’t Even Her Real Name.
  • Lance Armstrong: King Of Sporting Integrity.
  • Ben Johnson: How The Humanitarian Hero Selflessly Slowed Himself Down With Drugs To Give Everyone Else A Chance.

I am sure you all agree that these articles promise to be utterly riveting reads! I for one will be perusing them avidly!

“But what about the overall winner?” I hear you ask?

Good question!

And I have the answer…

The winner of the Evening Shark-Jump “Great Winners of Sport” award is…

Dave King!

Or is is actually Chris Jack?


Merry Christmas and…