Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

Aberdeen: Know Your Place

Good Evening.

Here is some possibly satirical ‘news’ from the world of local planning.


Aberdeen needs a strong Planning Department, says expert.

The Pittodrie side’s plans for a new stadium and associated bright future deserve a self-interested and resolute planning department. That is the opinion of top Scottish football expert and qualified planner Dr. T. Clumpany.

By A. Thumbs-Down

Aberdeen Football Club have been given some firm advice by one of the ‘top’ pundits and planners in Scotland as they try to relocate to a brand new stadium.

Dr T. Clumpany – who didn’t have any certificates of qualification to hand – says that Aberdeen have to look at the bigger picture when planning their move away from Pittodrie.

“It’s quite clear” said Dr Clumpany “You can complain about the requirements and opposition of the planning authorities as much as you like. But they are ultimately looking out for what is best for them and any other bullshit wider issues they choose to highlight.

“You can’t blame them for that. Yes it is disappointing, and we all know that Aberdeen wouldn’t conduct themselves in that sort of way. They would take a more sensible view and try to avoid unnecessary disturbance.

“We all understand that Aberdeen want to look to a bright future and to build sustainably while playing by the rules. But when push comes to shove we all ultimately want to see a strong planning department get its way.

“And if that means them trampling over the aspirations, hard work and fair play of Aberdeen Football Club, then that’s absolutely fine. Aberdeen need to know their place and bow to a higher power. In fact, they should just move on. By staying put at Pittodrie.”

Aberdeen Chairman Stewart Milne was unavailable for comment. However, we couldn’t help but notice his recent remarks to the BBC, which made many folk rub their chins thoughtfully.

“We’ve always had a very good relationship with Rangers, we’ll work hard to make sure that we come through and relations are strengthened as we move forward. We all want to see a strong Rangers, we need that for Scottish football, and the sooner they fill their vacancy and get a good manager in and strengthen the whole set up, that’s in the interests of Scottish football.”

A spokesperson for Aberdeen fans looked somewhat… err… sheepish when asked about their Chairman’s comments.



NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…