Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

A Tribute To Sevco’s Three-In-A-Row

Good Evening.

Earlier today, The Clumpany had an off-the record pint with one of the MSM’s finest. I say I ‘had a pint with…’, but that’s a bit of an exaggeration.

We sat down to have a pint together, but then he spent most of the time in the toilet. It was either that or actually piss himself with excitement at Sevco winning a third league game in a row for the first time in ages.

I suspect it is – in reality – a comparatively short period of time since the Ibrox outfit won three league matches in a row. However, if I try and quantify that time period I know someone in the Sevcosphere will try and shout me down about a pretend ‘glorious LONG LONG LONG history’, or some such bullshit.

So let’s not bother on this occasion…

Despite his toilet-based absence, I did glean from my associate that he planned to spend his entire Monday paying tribute to Rangers* being back* by winning three (games)-in-a-row.

  • He will put three – yes THREE – Shredded Wheat in his bowl tomorrow morning. Yes he will put them back in the packet and have a slice of toast instead, but it’s all about the MASSIVE STATEMENT OF INTENT, isn’t it?
  • He will be playing a triangle all day, no matter what the situation.
  • He will forgo every meal and every drink and have triple whiskies in place of them. It will be Tesco whisky, but he is quite prepared to assert that it is a VERY expensive single malt.
  • He will watch DVDs of all three of Sevco’s unsuccessful Petrofac Cup campaigns. This will remind him that the establishment will stop at nothing to do the Gers* down, making his ‘crusading’ journalistic efforts vital!
  • He will ‘prove’ that all three of Celtic’s trophies last season were won by cheating.
  • He will say “State Aid” three times in an article, and hope that a vengeful European Commissioner will appear and lay waste to Celtic Park.
  • He will implore his editor to let him deposit a bodily fluid on page three, or in the third minute of any broadcast output.
  • He will enjoy a threesome (subject to the outcome and reception of all of the above).

OK, he won’t experience a threesome… 😉

Watch this space for further updates…



NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…