Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

And The New Sevco Manager Is…

Good Evening.

The Clumpany just spent a highly illuminating few minutes discussing the Sevco managerial situation with one of the MSM’s finest…

Prepare to be shocked as the revelations come thick and fast…


TC: “So what’s the story with the next Sevco manager? Why is it taking such a long time to appoint someone?”

MSM: “Because it is. That’s all you need to know.”

TC: “Yeah, but they must have some names in the frame?”

MSM: “They do.”

TC: “More than one?”

MSM: “Of course. In fact they have been looking at a number of people for a while.”

TC: “Well-known people?”

MSM: “Top people.”

TC: “Top people?”

MSM: “TOP people.”

TC: “Can you elaborate?”

MSM: “I could.”

TC: “But will you?”

MSM: “No.”

TC: “Why not?”

MSM: “Because.”

TC: “But aren’t you in the business of covering Scottish football and drumming up interest in your employer’s output?”

MSM: “I am.”

TC: “So isn’t the Sevco manager’s position newsworthy?”

MSM: “It is. In fact few things are MORE newsworthy.”

TC: “So who are the runners and riders?”

MSM: “People. A number of them.”

TC: “You don’t actually have a clue do you?”

MSM: “I do.”

TC: “So tell me who they are then.”

MSM: “You wouldn’t understand.”

TC: “Try me.”

MSM: “No. I am not going to engage in tittle-tattle with you.”

TC: “Isn’t that part of your job description?”

MSM: “You will hear the news when there is news to hear.”

TC: “So there is no news at the moment? Nothing’s happening? WEEKS after Pedro left.”

MSM: “Oh it’s all happening.”

TC: “Is it?”

MSM: “Yes.”

TC: “What’s happening, exactly?”

MSM: “Stuff. Loads of it.”

TC: “But Derek McInnes IS a contender isn’t he? It’s been all over the papers. And discussed on the TV and radio until people’s eyes and ears started bleeding.”

MSM: “Well yes, he is clearly someone the board is interested in.”

TC: “Well why don’t they actually try to get him?”

MSM: “They might. There’s no rush.”

TC: “I don’t think anyone will accuse Sevco of rushing.”

MSM: “It is important to take time over this decision.”

TC: “What is there to decide? McInnes has done well at Aberdeen. He’s a Rangers* man, and a known-quantity who is likely to be a safe pair of hands.”

MSM: “Errr well.”

TC: “Is it money? Can’t Sevco even afford McInnes?”

MSM: “Errr.”

TC: “It is, isn’t it? They can’t afford him.”

MSM: “Errr…”

TC: “They can’t afford him despite the over-investment, war chest and children’s inheritance all being at the board’s disposal?”

MSM: “Errr…”

TC: “That would be quite a story wouldn’t it?”

MSM: “Errr…”

TC: “I’m surprised it’s not a big splash in the newspapers. Levelling with the fans that Sevco are maybe just a bit too skint to get the obvious choice in as manager.”

MSM: “Errr…”

TC: “It makes you wonder who they will end up with. If anyone. Ever.”

MSM: “Look. It’s all in hand and the board is just taking its time to make the right appointment. You’ll be able to read all about how exciting the appointment is when it happens.”

TC: “But what if it ISN’T exciting?”

MSM: “It will be.”

TC: “And what if it turns out to be a bargain-basement appointment that stinks so badly of financial trouble that Sevco has to appoint an air freshener as the Number Two?”

MSM: “It won’t be.”

TC: “How do you know that?”

MSM: “Because I am a serious sports journalist, and you aren’t.”



NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…