Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

Chris Sutton Confronts Pedro Caixinha

Good Evening.

The Clumpany watched BT Sport earlier today and witnessed Sevco… err… ‘destroying’ Ross County like they were fodder for a cheap and not-entirely-accurate headline tomorrow…

I then saw Chris Sutton (conqueror of Derek Johnstone) asking Paperwork Pedro a few post-match questions, and I am pretty sure it went something like this… 😉

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Sutton:“So Pedro. That spectacular thing you said about your squad a while back was a complete pile of shite wasn’t it?”

Pedro: “I believe completely in my squad.”

Sutton:“Yes. But that piss-taking pile of shite was a piss-taking pile of shite that can’t be backed up by any supporting evidence whatsoever. Can it?”

Pedro: “I believe completely in my squad and do not need to defend it.”

Sutton:“Seriously Pedro? You spoke a completely piss-taking pile of shite about how you had the best squad in Scotland, and we’ve then seen it toil. Hasn’t your piss-taking pile of shite been proven to be the biggest pile of piss-taking shite ever unleashed upon Scottish football? And I say that as someone who saw David Tanner and Neil McCann fronting coverage of the domestic game for years on end.”

Pedro: “I completely believe in my squad and do not need to argue about it.”

Sutton:“OK then Pedro. You said a completely piss-taking pile of shite that you refuse to acknowledge was a completely piss-taking pile of shite. You clearly somehow think that I am the piss-taking shite-piling one. So I will ask you a VERY simple question….

“Are you seriously saying that you wouldn’t swap any of your SPFL non-crushing squad for players from Celtic, Aberdeen or the Leith Ladies Whist Drive? Are you really so determined to pile up your piss-taking shite like this in all it’s metaphor-mixing and stinking glory?”

Pedro: “I do not care about Celtic, Aberdeen or the Leith Ladies. I do not take the piss out of shite. Even if my caravan had the equipment to do so I would not permit it. I have no interest in any other team. Are those green boots that you are wearing Chris? I would not like to feel that you are taking the piss out of my pile of shite by wearing the colours of Celtic who I do not wish to talk about.”

Sutton:“So you agree that your piss-taking pile of shite WAS a piss-taking pile of shite? Are you not embarrassed, Pedro?”

Pedro: “I choose to take the piss as the Rangers* manager. That pile of shite is a Rangers* pile of shite. If you say it is a piss-taking pile of shite I am not going to argue with you. Because I choose to take the piss with a pile of shite comments in defence of my squad.”

Sutton:“So you really are speaking a piss-taking pile of shite Pedro?”

Pedro: “I was not briefed to answer any more questions. I will simply say that we are the People. I am told that that is all anyone really needs to know.”

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#KeepOnClumping

NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…