Dear North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD).
Every year millions of people get a huge amount of pleasure from watching your satellite track Santa Claus as he travels round the globe delivering presents to people of all ages.
Your work brings families together, and reinforces a sense of community, peace and goodwill wherever it is observed.
Every movement is entertaining to someone somewhere, and whenever Santa reaches his next destination it is a cause for celebration for a countless multitude.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all that you do and for gladdening so many hearts during these trying times for humanity.
It is in this spirit of profound appreciation that I write to you to humbly request an expansion of the magnificent service you provide. If granted, my request would result in entire continents being brought together in a spirit of unity and untold happiness outside the very special Christmas period.
I am sure you will agree that anything which can help to calm the world’s troubled waters and put a smile on the faces of people of all ages, races and creeds is to be welcomed.
As such, I trust that you will agree to track the movements of Pedro Caixinha’s Sevco Caravan for the rest of the season.
That’s some crazy shit, isn’t it?! With barking dogs FFS!
Don’t let me down. I work my arse off for the world, so it’s the least I deserve! 😉