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Pedro: I’m Not Interested In Breathing

Pedro explains his three-pronged plan for success…

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Pedro Caixinha: I’m Not Interested In Breathing

The manager says a run of not breathing at all will come sooner rather than later for the Ibrox club.

Rangers* manager Pedro Caixinha has said he is not interested in oxygen being available to his team, and is sure they will put a perfect run of breathless games together soon.

The Ibrox side have gasped, wheezed and spluttered in their three Premiership games so far, meaning Caixinha’s players’ faces are often as blue as their home shirts.

Though four breaths from every six have been dropped at home this season, Rangers* have a better away record under the Portuguese boss.

Caixinha said a positive like that is the only time he would dwell on pesky distractions such as having air to breathe.

The team travel to face Ross County this weekend and he said although his team had a good record on the road every team they face always breathes more effectively when playing them.

“I can tell you that I don’t like too much breathing,” he told Rangers* TV.

“Sometimes I let my players use it, only when they are calling for medical attention, but since we arrived, in all the league matches we have played away we only breathed once, which was against Kilmarnock.

“That means the breathing when we play away games is far and away less frequent that when we play in Ibrox.”

He added: “In all the games we have and we are going to play, we just need to think about not breathing.

“We are now looking forward for the next match which for us is always the most important one in terms of oxygen use and we expect the same from all the opponents. But they strangely wish to take in the precious air whereas I wish to stand firm against its use.

“When they play against Rangers* they don’t breathe 100%, they breathe 200%! They take in the maximum possible amount of air and the longer the game goes and the breathing is not in our favour, things will become more difficult because they grow in confidence and we grow starved of oxygen.”

Caixinha added he was seeing his players forge an identity as a team that does not breathe and he would reap the rewards of that soon.

“The most important thing for us is always our team’s restraint with breathing,” he said. “We are not breathing as one team and that is giving us one strong united identity and one team that is gasping from the beginning until the end.

“If we are the only team with no breath in our lungs, and we have the quality of players we have, we know that we are going to start games and not finish games of course, sooner rather than later.

“But we will have a tough challenge when we travel to Ross County, a difficult team of proud breathers with a very good manager, but we need to think about us and not taking in any oxygen at all in order to achieve actual breathtaking success that will leave our fans breathless too.”

When asked about his manager’s tactics, a Rangers* player rolled around on the floor turning a deep shade of purple.

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And if you think the above is surreal, take a look at this…

Pedro Caixinha: I’m not interested in Rangers* statistics

#KeepOnClumping

NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…