Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

The Great Sevco Cover-Up


Good Evening.

The Clumpany was rather entertained by this ‘story’ which appeared on the Daily Record website today:

Rangers* supporters hit out after it is revealed banners covering iconic glass staircase aren’t temporary

As the piece explains…

“Rangers* fans have hit out after the club supporters’ liaison officer revealed banners covering the iconic glass aren’t temporary.

Fans had believed they were erected to cover up work being done on the glass. But when asked how long they would be in place the club’s SLO said: ‘No set time period on them. Sorry but they are not up due to repair works.’

It led to fans taking to Twitter to slam the decision to cover up the glass, which is at the stairways leading up to the club deck.”

The above picture shows the ‘banner’ being put into place.

The Clumpany assumes that it has been put there for… errr… cosmetic reasons rather than for any structural, leak-preventing ones.

And what an aesthetic triumph it is!

In fact, The Clumpany understands that it has been so successful in transforming the appearance of an ageing structure which represents the appropriated history and image of the late Rangers Football Club, that the Sevco board has decided to extend the initiative.

“Operation Mask and Masquerade” will see the Sevco hierarchy ransacking ebay to buy as many old Panini stickers of ex-Rangers legends as possible. These stickers will be plastered over the faces of the misfiring Caixinha Calamities and BOOM!


…they’ve suddenly got ‘Brian Laudrup’ playing for them! The ‘real’ ‘same’ Brian Laudrup who played for Rangers back in the day. I am sure we all know that the Evening Shark-Jump for one would have no problem heralding his ‘return’ to the ‘same club’.


And look! There’s the ‘same’ ‘real’ ‘Paul Gascoigne’ playing for them ‘again’. I am sure Sportsound would be delighted to have ‘him’ in the studio for a cosy chat about the ‘return’ of the glory days, which the fans would lap up like a ‘free’ cup of tea from Charles Green.

This plan is such a sure-fire winner that Paperwork Pedro has decided to get on board, with a view to obtaining the respect he feels he truly deserves. Delving deep into the history of the ‘same club’, he has already chosen his own sticker to wear.


Nice one Pedro. What could possibly go wrong?