Clumpany Enterprises is delighted to announce the launch of an exciting new product.
In association with Neil Lennon, and in order to commemorate his side’s win against Sevco at the weekend, we will shortly release some limited edition ‘Ibrox Victory’ ear cups.
These will be hand-thrown* from the finest china clay, and glazed with the tears of almost 50,000 Sevco fans. [NB not “thrown” in the sense that you are thinking, Sevco fans. Put the phone down. The police don’t want to hear from you again].
The cups will retail at £32.32 per pair in acknowledgement of Hibs’ recent results against the latest Ibrox club.
Now, before you start grumbling that £32.32 is expensive, please bear in mind these very special features:
- The cups will have handles in the shape of Neil Lennon’s left and right hands.
- They will be emblazoned with a picture of Neil Lennon’s left and right ears.
- Each cup will be 40 feet in diameter and will contain a space in which you can write a complete fantasy of your own choosing.
These unique elements reflect the scale of faux offence which some Sevco fans have taken to Neil Lennon celebrating a goal, and the cups are sure to become a collector’s item. At least until the next time that a Neil Lennon team pumps Sevco, when we can expect to have to commemorate an entirely new round of deluded anguish.
Each pair of cups is capable of holding a reservoir-sized quantity of anti-Lennon bile and comes complete with a ‘Sevco lifetime guarantee’, so please do not plan on still using them at Christmas.
Buy now to ensure disappointment. And look out for our forthcoming range of Neil Lennon plates, on which Sevco’s dinner is expected to be served sooner rather than later.