The Clumpany is delighted to be acting as the recruitment agent for an exciting new fictitious media management opportunity at Sevco.
Please see the below details.
Position: Media Management Executive at one-time basket of assets.
Number of posts available: Three (see 'responsibilities' below).
Location: The Very Democratic People's Kingdom of Sevconia.
Salary: Um, well, errr… oh look, you need to get on with reading the rest of the advert.
Benefits: A 'free' breakfast (world class) is available for a daily charge.
Pension: Yes, some of our players are near to drawing theirs.
Start date: Immediate, but your career history can be backdated to 1872 if you wish. We have a very creative approach to such matters.
Duration: Our spin will survive the final heat death of the Universe.
Training: Our highly experienced Traynor will sort you out. 😉
The world's most successful* 'club' has recently initiated a strategy to manage the output of the Scottish sports media to within half an inch of its life. In doing so, they are building on their previous success in managing its output to within a full inch of its life.
The centrepiece of this progressive approach is to film journalists during press conferences so that everyone can be absolutely clear about who exactly said what.
To reinforce this positive innovation – known as 'Operation You Can't be Too Careful' – the 'club' is now seeking a second cameraman to film the cameraman who is filming the journalists.
The post holder will focus the mind of the first cameraman and sure that there is absolutely no chance of any press pack 'misdeeds' (as defined by us) going unrecorded.
Our comprehensive approach to news management necessitates the appointment of a 'quality assurance' technician. The post holder will be a skilled cameraman responsible for filming the cameraman who is filming the cameraman who is filming the journalists.
The final piece of our master plan to ensure totally anodyne coverage of the 'club' will be the appointment of a 'quality control' specialist. The post holder will be an experienced cameraman responsible for filming the cameraman who is filming the cameraman who is filming the cameraman who is filming the journalists.
The successful applicant must possess versatility and be able to scrawl over journalists' notes with a black marker pen and shout 'no one leaves until their story is correct' when required.
Applications to: Clumpany Towers (Satirical Recruitment Division).
Applications which are not submitted on the label of a full bottle of Buckie will be rejected unread.
Time-wasters only please.
NB Remember folks, it's just a bit of fun…