Satire, Scottish Football, SPFL

That SPFL Decision In Full…

Good Evening.

Top Clumpany analysts have been working non-stop to bring you the definitive take on the SPFL's statement and interview comments regarding their inability to revisit or set aside the Lord-Nimmo-Smith Commission, following the recent Supreme Court ruling on the Big Tax Case.

The SPFL's position on these matters is of fundamental importance in determining whether Scottish football is an actual sport, and in deciding whether everyone who paid into it from the turn of the millennium onwards was taken for a complete mug.

As such, I hope you will pay close attention to the following Clumpany analysis.


A Clumpany Summary Of The SPFL's Position

Legal lawyer stuff.
Lawyer legal stuff.
Legal stuff lawyer.
Lawyer stuff legal.
Stuff lawyer legal.
Stuff legal lawyer.
Stuff you!

Lord Nimmo-Smith dealt with that.
And that.
That too.
And the other things as well.
And things.
He dealt with all the things and stuff.
What was the question?
Stuff you!

Can't reopen.
Matter closed.
A closed matter that can't be reopened.
It's all a non-reopen-able closed matter.
Line-drawn-undery stuff.
Look to the future at new stuff.
Stuff stuff stuff-ity stuff!
Stuff you!

Review what we did.
But we can't actually do anything.
Case closed.
We'll learn from the thing we closed.
Even though it's closed because we did things properly.
All above board.
We are bored bored board of this.
It's dry and boring stuff.
There's more important stuff than being seen to govern even-handedly.
Like other stuff.
And things.
And stuff and things and stuff.
Stuff you!


You have to admit that is a compelling narrative which should put to bed the issues of Rangers' use of DOS, EBTs, and side letters. Along with all concerns about, spectacularly invalid player registrations and a Lord Nimmo-Smith Commission that was so defective you wouldn't even give it to your worst enemy as a Secret Santa present.

Although you might give it to Neil Doncaster to stuff somewhere. 😉

(And keep lobbying your clubs to show some backbone over this truly defining issue).

NB Remember folks, it's just a bit of fun… 😉