The Clumpany just had a truly bizarre experience. There I was in the pub when a man sat next to me and started telling me all about his upcoming holiday.
He was going to Europe and hoped to visit a number of countries. He was VERY excited indeed and started waving his passport and flight details above his head.
It was a bit embarrassing to be honest, but I like to be polite. I nodded my approval, said “that’s nice” and returned to my drink.
But he wasn’t finished!
He reached into a large bag and pulled out a load of photograph albums.
“These are the photographs of all my previous holidays in Europe. There’s barely a place I haven’t visited. Would you like to see them?”
“Well, err…”, I said.
“Good. Now this album is from when I went to France…”.
Several hours later, he finally got to the end of his albums. I was repeatedly tempted to tell him to get lost but I became strangely obsessed by the spectacle and so stuck with it.
However, as he put the last album back in his bag, I had a sudden realisation.
“Hang on a minute! You have all those photograph albums and yet not one single picture is of you? Did you actually go to those places?”.
Whereupon he told me to “f*ck off” and ran out of the pub.
Bemused, I finished my drink and stood up to leave. At which point the landlord came over and said “I see you’ve met Deluded Billy. He’s been boring people with his ‘memories’ for a few weeks now. He’s really excited about going abroad for the first time ever. He flies out next week.”
“So what about all those pictures he had? All those happy memories?”, I asked?
“Oh, he’s a bit embarrassed that he’s never actually been overseas, so he’s made up some ‘Continental history’ for himself. He got those photograph albums in a big house clearance sale. To be honest, I’m a big worried that he’s starting to believe his own bullsh*t.”
Meanwhile, in unrelated news, Rangers* are apparently about to return to Europe.
NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…