Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco



Good Evening.

The following statement is too fictitious to actually be released by any Sevco fans… 😉


Enough Is Enough

At the end of a disappointing season which wasn’t so much ‘Going for 55’ as ‘Going NEVER to speak of it again’, we would like to shake our fist at the sky and shout “It isnae fair!”.

“It isnae fair!”.

There, we told you.

When we say we are going to do something, we DO it. Like that time we organised a ‘Show liquidation the red card’ protest and the club was saved.

This historic history-laden club is a massive institution. MASSIVE we tell you. And it should be winning the league every year. It is outrageous that it didn’t triumph this season and we are going to scream and scream and scream about it until we are sick.

And then the rest of Scottish football can clean up the staunch vomity mess by way of punishment.

Then we are going to throw our toys out of the pram, throw ourselves on the floor in a public place and wail until we get our own way.



Making your ears bleed.

There are so many haters out there who are determined to spoil things for us. We are the best and you should all realise that fact.

In fact, you should bow down and say “Yes you ARE the People and WE are not worthy”. And then you should put on a “54 and counting t-shirt” and know your place.

And as for the so-called ‘media’… They should be ashamed of their cringemakingly sympathetic coverage of Celtic who continue to think they are a big club when they simply benefit from the terrible things done to Rangers* over the years.

Keith Jackson humiliates himself and his paper by not writing “Pedro is a great guy and fabulous manager” pieces every day. He should be banned from Ibrox forever and then a bit longer.

The Daily Rhebel, which hasn’t had a good word to say about Scotland’s biggest club in decades should be boycotted by every Rangers* fan, and the BBC – with its Liewwell propaganda should be told to f*ck off so far that it even manages to overtake Chris McLaughlin on its way out there.

Chris Sutton – who seems to think he is Chris Sutton or something – should have a proper word with himself. And that word should be “p*ss off” even though it is two words.

We are sick of criticism of our club. Sick sick sick sick sick of it. Don’t you know who we are? You all need us more than we need you. This club is the greatest and biggest in the world by any measure, although we choose not to list any measures at this particular time.

This season’s league title was ours by right. In fact the Treble is ours by right and we think it is a stain on Scottish society that we have been deprived of it.

Let all our critics and all the haters be in no doubt. We are determined to fight back. Criticism will not be tolerated. Hatred will be defeated. You WILL recognise Rangers’* greatness and you WILL say, think and do the things that we want you to.

Otherwise we will spit the dummy and cry like we have never done before.

You have been warned.



NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…