Celtic, Media, Satire, Scottish Football

9-In-A-Row 20 Years On: Billy McStaunch Tells Us What Happened Next

Good Evening.

Sadly no newspaper will be printing this as part of a series of pull-out supplements… 😉


9-In-A-Row 20 Years On: Billy McStaunch Tells Us What Happened Next

May 9, 1998 is a day that Rangers fan Billy McStaunch will never forget.

For it was on that day that the previously unstoppable Rangers tanks were turned back by the luckiest military manoeuvre since ‘Colonel’ Parker got Elvis to sign on the dotted line.

Somehow the impossible happened and Celtic fluked a league title with a 2-0 win over St Johnstone. Flukey flukey flukey Celtic.

Ten-in-a-row parties were cancelled, your author allegedly cried himself to sleep every night for several years, and nothing was ever the same again. Except that it WAS because Rangers are still the world’s most successful club and are going for 55 again next year. 

One eyewitness to that awful May day has given us an exclusive insight to what that lucky, doesn’t-really-count Celtic title meant to him.

Billy McStaunch followed the Light Blues everywhere during the nine-in-a-row years and can vividly remember the impact of Celtic thwarting their bid to go out on their own with the Ten.

“Bastards”, said Billy. “Bastard f*cking bastardy bastards.”

“Cheating State-Aided, traitorous stinking bastards. That was our title. Our ten-in-a-row. Absolute f*cking c*nts”.

Billy still feels the impact of his beloved Gers missing out on what would have been their greatest domestic achievement.

“C*nts, all of them.”

“Wim Jansen – managerial c*nt.”

“Henrik Larsson – overrated c*nt.”

“Harald f*cking Brattbakk – just a c*nt.”

“Peter Liewwell – he scored that day didn’t he? Absolute c*nt.”

“Fergus bastarding McCann. What a c*nt. Who did he think he was? David Murray had bought that success for Rangers and McCann came along and stole it. The c*nt.”

Billy and his friends have formed an informal support group to deal with the continuing grief they feel following that disappointing day.

“Aye. We drink a case of Buckie and kick the living sh*t out of an anvil with a Celtic scarf  wrapped round it. A bastarding Celtic scarf. We then spend the rest of the week in A&E before doing it all over again the following weekend. We haven’t been to a game since 1998.”

Asked whether nine-in-a-row wasn’t worth celebrating despite it only drawing Rangers level with Celtic’s record, Billy was unequivocal in his response.

“F*ck off! No one is equal to the mighty Gers! Our Nine is way better than Celtic’s. Theirs was just a bit better than Eight. Ours was almost a Ten. And it would have BEEN a Ten had it not been for those lucky Hooped bastards in 1998.”

“C*nts all of them. Now, when is David Murray going to buy us two European Cups?”



NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…

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