Media, Satire, Scottish Football

A Medical Emergency


Good Evening.

The Clumpany hears terrible news of large numbers of Scottish sports journalists being hospitalised this afternoon after they followed the excellent live tweeting of the Craig Whyte case from @JamesDoleman.

As you doubtless saw, there was a lot of questioning and evidence in relation to

  • the problems which beset the club in 2010, 11, and 12
  • the financial difficulties of the club
  • HMRC serving tax bills on the club
  • the bank wanting its loan to the club repaid
  • the club having to make repairs to the stadium
  • the search for a buyer of the club
  • the various shareholdings in the club
  • the players employed by the club
  • the directors of the club
  • a threat to the very survival of the club
  • etc etc etc.

Apparently this was all too much for most of the press pack, who started shouting at their Twitter feeds that “It was the holding company that dealt with all that! The club was always fine”.

A few phone calls were made to Chris McLaughlin seeking reassurance that Neil Doncaster would always be happy to answer a softball question about any old reconstituted footballing outfit still being the ‘same club’. 😉

However, as the references to the club continued to be made in court, the tears started to flow. It was truly traumatic for the eyes of the mainstream media’s finest to be confronted with information which simply did not compute with their carefully constructed myths about what actually happened to the late Rangers Football Club.

One hack even felt the need to register his dismay by drawing a picture of an engine room subsidiary with the snot which came dripping from his nose, while another got on the phone to the Advertising Standards Agency and demanded that they send Special Forces into the High Court proceedings to put a stop to these “reckless club references”.

But still the clubbing didn’t stop, and it wasn’t long before folk started collapsing faster than Rangers did on liquidation day. Ambulances were called and many of the media are now in hospital receiving treatment to soothe their pains. If you wish to visit them, I suggest using the lift and pressing the button for Level 5. You will find them connected to a drip which provides intravenous revisionist pish.

Despite the excellence of the medical treatment being received by the hacks, The Clumpany is afraid that the prognosis for a full reintegration back into liquidation-acknowledging society is not good.

I understand that flowers and grapes are welcome on the ward, but copies of Phil Mac Giolla Bhain’s ‘Downfall’ most certainly aren’t.


NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…


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