Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

An Explosive Statement

Good Afternoon.

A prominent Sevco fans’ organisation released a statement last night. Well, there is a first time for everything…

By the magic of fiction, a longer version of the moving missive has made its way to Clumpany Towers. I am delighted to ‘reproduce’ it in full below. 😉


We note the non-compliance of Dave King with the TAB ruling. We are neither supportive or critical of this until we understand Mr King’s reasoning and future plans. We have approached RIFC for clarification, all members have been emailed.

Further to recent queries, we can confirm that we prefer tea to coffee. Apart from when we prefer coffee to tea. We would also like to place on record our absolute preference for sparking mineral water over still mineral water, except for when still mineral water is our drink of choice.

We also believe that Rangers* will win the upcoming Scottish Cup semi-final. Unless Celtic win it. A draw at 90 minutes is also a possibility that we are prepared to consider.

Coronation Street or Eastenders? That’s a tough one too. They are both very good shows and if we were asked to choose between them we would select one. Or the other. 

On the issue of investment into the club, we are firmly of the opinion that the board has an opinion on the matter. So there will be investment. Probably. Sooner or later. Possibly sooner, but maybe later. Much later. Or maybe very soon. The important thing is to have certainty. And we are certain about that.

People have criticised us for not being sufficiently critical of the Rangers* board. We are absolutely clear that the board should be criticised when there is reason for it. And we hope to be able to agree a list of potential reasons with the board in due course. A postage stamp has been set aside to record the agreed list.

Finally, we would like to remind those who wish to attack our club that we have a history of history, and we will make history in defending it. History will remember our history of history-defending as being truly historic.

We hope that this clarifies our position.



NB Please remember to keep yourselves safe from the Attacking Zombie Shareholders