Media, Satire, Scottish Football

Story Of The Decade: A Correction

Surprise

Good Evening

The Clumpany always enjoys it when the sports pages bring us a really big story. You find yourself having to stand up and applaud until your hands (ethereal or otherwise) bleed.

And so it was yesterday, when the Scotsman broke new ground in their crusade for a Pulitzer with this story in their somewhat inaccurately-named ‘Rumour Mill’ page:

Murty corrects Beerman grammar

Development coach Graeme Murty has further endeared himself to Rangers fans by correctly the grammar of promising left-back Myles Beerman following yesterday’s 3-0 win at Aberdeen. Murty, who’s spell as caretaker boss ended last month with the arrival of Pedro Caixinha, responded to a tweet sent by Beerman after the game, in which the 18-year-old said the fans “where amazing”. Murty pointed out the error before adding “sheesh”.

Yes.

Indeed.

Once you have got over the Genius of Murts, and saluted his new-found status as the King of Banter, you can only collapse on the floor as your heart (ethereal or otherwise) gives out at the sheer drama of the Scotsman going the extra millimetre to bring us such epic tidings.

Once the paramedics have revived you and you have convalesced for the required decade, it will doubtless be worth venturing on to the Scotsman’s website to find further remarkable revelations.

  • Murts knighted for services to accident prevention by telling man on street that his shoelace is undone.
  • Murty tipped to lead Everest expedition after helping lady with push chair up some stairs.
  • Murty proclaimed ‘Car Park Hero’ and mathematical whizkid after changing a passing stranger’s £2 for four 50p coins.
  • Murts becomes Man of the Year for putting toilet seat down when he had finished. An achievement made all the more remarkable when you hear that it was a urinal.
  • Murts sparks retail revolution by saying ‘yes, I would like to buy one of those large bars of chocolate with my random shite from WH Smith’.
  • Murty is dream come true for charity muggers as he walks down high street handing out his direct debit details on wee cards. In doing so he immediately becomes the poster boy for fundraising efforts to save native Scottish pterodactyls.
  • Murty stuns fellow supermarket shoppers by placing an entirely expected item in the bagging area.
  • Murts shocks onlookers by picking up a Scottish newspaper and remarking ‘”that was a really interesting, hard-hitting read. I must ask my local newsagent to reserve me a copy every day”.

#KeepOnClumping

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