Imagine what it would be like if there was a newspaper churning out clickbait articles designed to appeal to Celtic fans.
Well by pure coincidence, The Clumpany has just been handed a draft of an absolutely ‘HILARIOUS’ fictitious article, which won’t be appearing in a newspaper any time soon…
Celtic fan praised for hilarious Rangers statue comparison
By Jock Sheen
The Duke of Wellington was doubtless happy and honoured to have his image put on a plinth in Glasgow during the mid-19th Century to commemorate his many achievements.
Naturally, the internet has not been bombarded with hilarious gifs and memes containing suggestions of what the statue actually looks like. Not least because the Duke died over 160 years ago, and the statue of the one-time Waterloo winner and former Prime Minister actually looks like him. Even so, very few people are interested in his military and political career on a day to day basis, preferring instead to watch Homes Under The Hammer.
Once in a while a comparison is made. For example, “f*cking hell, that looks like a real eyesore!”, but these rarely raise even a smile, never mind a laugh. However, yesterday a passing Celtic fan made some quips that had us absolutely p*ssing our pants with side-splitting, metaphor-mixing, mirth!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
See, we told you that it made us laugh!
Timmy O’Tim (who we absolutely did not invent for the purposes of this article) was wandering past the statue, when he suddenly paused to take a look, and then said the following to his sister, Timalina O’Tim (who we also didn’t invent):
“The Duke of Wellington is a bit like Rangers. He’s dead”.
And as if we weren’t already LOL’ing to the point of passing out, Timmy continued:
“Aye, and that cone is like a knicked one you’d use at football training if you were about to go bust. It’s orange too. They used to like a bit of orange at Rangers.”
Warming to his theme, the comedy genius unleashed a final barrage of wonderful one-liners that Billy Connolly himself would be proud of:
“Wellington eventually came around to the idea of Catholic emancipation. He’d have been the one to sign Mo Johnston for Rangers had he lived to be over 220 years old. But he’s dead now. And all that’s left is a crappy monument that’s not the same as the real thing. They should call that statue ’Sevco Wellington’”.
Once we had stopped hyperventilating with ecstasy at this bravado display of comedic excellence, we asked the Duke of Wellington and Rangers to respond to the p*ss being taken out of them.
Hilariously, neither were available to comment.
And if you think that the above tale is cringe-makingly awful, take a look at this: