Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

The One Where They Bored Us All To Death

Staring into the abyss of Sevco tedium
Good Evening.

After dead Rangers’ financial doping and rulebreaking, the next worst thing about the 1990s and 2000s was probably that piss-poor documentary series ‘Friends’

Boy was that show tedious. 

The Clumpany knows that ‘reality’ TV shows were all the rage at that time, but that particular fly-on-the wall smugfest took the genre to a new low.

Being a cynical ethereal entity, I often wondered whether the show was at least partly scripted. What’s more, I was never entirely convinced that the housemates’ apartments or favourite coffee shop* were actually real. From time to time they almost looked like a TV studio set. In short it was shite. And long-running shite too. [*NB why on Earth didn’t they go to a bar or drink Buckie on a park bench like the rest of us?]. 

Criticisms aside, I don’t begrudge the folk in that show their 15 minutes’ of fame, and I hope that they all managed to find gainful employment once the hidden cameras stopped filming their everyday lives.

I mention the ‘Friends’ documentary because I called it to mind earlier today. In particular, I remembered the interminable ‘will they, won’t they?’ sagas which were meant to fool the viewers into believing that the housemates were attracted to each other. 

The truth of the matter, of course, is that despite the clever editing giving the impression of romance, three of the ‘Friends’ were actually all in love with the same Romanian weightlifter, and the other three spent all their free time as part of the ‘Movementarian’ cult seen in that other popular reality show ‘The Simpsons’ [Incidentally, I hear rumours that ‘Joey’ is now a conductor on the Springfield monorail, but I digress…]

The mind-bogglingly tiresome nature of the ‘will they, won’t they’ drama bears a striking resemblance to the appointment of the new Sevco Director of Football.

First, the Director of Football was a key appointment for the ‘club’. [Its importance to the engine room subsidiary and holding company was never specified].

Then nothing happened despite various likely and side-splittingly unlikely names being linked to the hugely significant post.

Then, according to Dave King last week, an appointment wasn’t imminent, especially now that Paperwork Pedro had taken the vacant manager’s position.

Then, two nights ago, a Sevco statement suggested that an appointment was indeed imminent!

But then this afternoon, STV reported the following:

Rangers to resume director of football search this week

[Managing Director Stewart Robertson] told STV: “We’ve taken a couple of weeks to get Pedro settled in, which has gone well so far, and we’re just about to pick that up again in terms of looking for candidates for the director of football role.

“That will take as long as it takes. There’s no time frame that we’ve set for that. We just want to get the best possible person for the job and we will start to get stuck into that again this week.”

Interviews were previously held and Robertson said those interviewed may still be in the running.

“It’s a combination [of people we spoke to before and new candidates],” he said. “We’ve got various people to speak to.”

He added: “When we initially looked at a director of football it was something that was going to happen quietly in the background. Then everything happened with the manager and events sort of overtook us on that.

“So it’ll be good to work away at it quietly without the glare of publicity really and try and get an appointment made.”


So the appointment is not an immediate or imminent priority.  And it isn’t a medium or long-term priority either. But something is about to start happening again. Soon.

In short: that thing which the media has been reporting as ‘happening at some point’ is… err… going to happen at some point.


Dear me. Could this get any less gripping?

Tune in next week for another balls-achingly uneventful instalment of ‘We’ve Not Appointed Anyone Yet’, which may be subtitled ‘The One Where We Finally Lost The Will To Live’.