Following Sevco’s 4-0 win against Hamilton today, The Clumpany would like to pre-empt the Scottish sports media by declaring the following:
- Pedro is the 16th manager of Rangers*, and the creditors can p*ss off to A&E if they feel as though they are being slapped across the face by that declaration.
- Pedro is clearly the most world-beating world-beater at Ibrox since the last amazing world-beater strangely turned out not to be a world-beater.
- Rangers* are ‘coming’.
- In fact, they are ‘back’.
- So they therefore manage to be both ‘coming’ and ‘back’ at the same time.
- Which is almost as ridiculous as ‘being alive’ when you are clearly ‘dead’.
- But none of that matters, because we pin our business model and credibility to a great big liquidation lie!
- So we will piss our pants with delight that the opening result of the ‘Caixinha era’ allows us to peddle both ‘continuity’ and ‘gap-closing’ myths without too much scrutiny.
- Except from those terrible rational folk who rumbled us a long time ago, and who we choose to ignore.
- Because Scottish football is clearly all about the pretence that a strong ‘Rangers’-flavoured entity is needed. So any concept of building sustainably, and of our game being a ‘sport’, is utterly disingenuous!
- Stuff the status quo! It would be far better to have a pantomime ‘sport’ in which a financially-doped and rule-breaking ‘Rangers’-themed entity is frequently lauding it over boring, po-faced and self-righteous Timmy.
- So let us all applaud the new Pedro messiah upon whom we will pin our hopes of filling column inches.
- Because the last thing the Scottish sports press needs is to have to report the awful truth of Pedro managing a mediocre 5-year old team. A 5-year old side whose ‘144-year history’ is entirely appropriated from someone else. Including those bits which could mean it was party to systematic rule-breaking and creditor-stiffing.
Enjoy tomorrow’s papers. 😉
Even though they may be full of crap.