Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

Legal Proof That It’s The Same Club


Good Evening.

The Clumpany notes that Albert Kinloch, today lost his case against Coral bookmakers at the Court of Session. You will recall that Mr Kinloch had placed a bet of £100 at 2,500-1 that Rangers would be relegated from the Scottish Premier League in 2012 and Coral had refused to pay out when Rangers subsequently departed. Those possessed of good mental arithmetic will have spotted that if successful, the bet would have netted Mr Kinlock £250,000 (or £0 if paid in Sevco war chest tokens).

The world’s favourite* court reporter, James Doleman, had a piece in Today’s Racing Post reporting on the judgement which was handed down. [* NB excluding the 500 million citizens of Sevconia].

You can find the piece here:

Glasgow punter loses his £250,000 claim over Rangers bet

However, Clumpaneers may find it helpful for me to provide my own technical summary of what the judgement said. After all, the issue of whether Rangers Football Club was relegated in 2012 is of great interest to many who follow the so-called ‘new club’ ‘debate’.

In a startling and unambiguous judgement, the following was stated for posterity:

Rangers were not relegated or demoted in the normal sense of the words, so the bet was lost.

When Charles Green bought the assets of the Rangers holding company, Duff and Phelps carefully packed the club and its history into a box, surrounded it with bubble wrap and left it inside Ibrox with a wee bow and bottle of champagne.  The ‘club’ didn’t need to be on a list of assets because it was on Charles Green’s desk ready for when he arrived. And once he did arrive, he simply unpacked it and everything carried on as normal.

An administrative oversight -believed to be using the wrong-sized paper clips on SPL forms – affected the seamless continuation of Rangers in the top flight. Peter Lawwell seized the opportunity to damage the team he feared most, and he forced all the other sides to make Rangers accept a special kind of demotion. This involved Neil Doncaster and Stuart Regan wearing-shirts carrying the slogan “let’s call it a demotion” at a general meeting of clubs, where Rangers kindly offered to play in SFL3. They did this to help spread the benefits of the Blue Pound, make friends along the way, and hopefully add all the lower-league trophies to their illustrious history.

Lord Nimmo-Smith happened to be walking by the meeting with his dog, and it started barking with excitement when it saw Charles Green. Mr Green swore blind that the dog was yapping the words “unbroken history” and “Rangers then, Rangers now, Rangers forever” He immediately got five passers-by to sign a witness statement agreeing that Lord Nimmo-Smith’s dog had confirmed that Rangers hadn’t died.  And thus was created the Five-Way Agreement.

All things considered, it was no surprise that Coral won the case against Mr Kinloch (subject to any appeal). But it was particularly pleasing that they prevailed in a way which confirmed that Rangers’ came out of liquidation and are 144 years old.

This blog is brought to you in association with liquidation-denying zoomers on Twitter.


NB For an alternative perspective you may wish to read Definitively Pish


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