Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Turd-Polishing Pedro


Good Evening.

The Clumpany notes that Paperwork Pedro was unveiled to the press today, and I am sure they will calm down about it eventually. 

Personally, I was disappointed not to see Baron Bouffant overseeing the occasion as he did when The Warbmeister made his dramatic entrance to Sevco in 2015. Perhaps he was down the corridor asking the Concert Party to keep the noise down so as not to disturb the press conference?

Despite his formal introduction taking place today, Pedro actually started to learn the fitba ropes when he attended the Glasgow derby yesterday afternoon. It seems he quickly decided that on such a tasty occasion it would be unwise for a high-profile figure to go anywhere without a minder or three.


Although quite why he needed Jim Traynor with him is anyone’s guess. It wasn’t as if anyone in the press pack was likely to ask him a difficult question, was it?

Which brings me back to today’s press conference. Pedro has clearly been well-briefed by the Sevco PR operation. To the extent that I wondered whether he is actually a Level5-controlled robot. Why else would he answer a ‘hard-hitting’ question about why he thinks Sevco are the biggest club* in Scotland by mentioning 144 years and 54 titles?

Personally, I would be worried if my manager used his first press conference to tell two barefaced lies before the assembled media. But this is Sevco and Scotland’s press pack, so I think he could probably have even got away with mentioning how the Ibrox outfit won multiple medals at the Olympic Games in ancient Greece, and then went on to win the Melbourne Cup last year. As the horse. 

Maybe he will next time…

But it was his comment about Sevco having the ‘best squad in Scotland’ which really caught the eye. And caused my ethereal sides to split, leading to the gruesome sight of my ethereal internal organs slopping out on to the Clumpany carpets. 

Seriously folks? How does this b*llshit about a team which is in third place and a country mile behind Celtic actually come to be uttered? Do people sit in a room and dare each other to say the most ridiculous thing they can think of without anyone in the press calling them out over it?

What next?

Pedro states that Ibrox has the biggest capacity of any ground in Scottish football?

Pedro tells the world that the Sevco kit needs more stars to reflect all the European Cups they have won?

Pedro ‘confirms’ that RIFC shares are the hottest stock on the FTSE 100.

Pedro says that Dave King is “like a brother” to him, and they are never off the phone to each other, discussing over-investment and transfer targets.

Or even…

Pedro makes it clear that the Scottish sports media is without doubt the greatest in the world. It covers the top issues and reports courageously without fear or favour.

Actually, on reflection that final suggestion might be taking things a little too far.

Oh, wait…


#KeepOnClumping

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